Ready for Some Football!

That special time has come again. A time when fellow Americans hate one another based solely on their team affiliation. And rightfully so.

So until this season wraps up, let me just say that I hate you. Don't take it personally.

Selling Out

The celebrity lifestyle is an interesting one in this country. You can use your fame to focus the world's attention on important issues, or you can use it to make some money. If you're considering Option B, you must weigh the risk of being labeled a "sell out" with the benefit of making ridiculous amounts of money. Arnold did it, Dole did it, and now I'm climbing on board as well.

In exchange for a few hours of overtime, I was willing to sacrifice my dignity by staring in a commercial that would be plastered throughout a top-20 market. Was it worth it? Probably not, although I have already been recognized in a bar or two around town. Yeah, I'm kind of a big deal.

So without further explanation or apology, here's what I got myself into:

I'm sure you have a lot of questions, and I'd be happy to answer them one at a time, but let me start by saying that any requests for an autographed headshot requires a self-addressed stamped envelope. Clearly, I'm a seasoned veteran when it comes to playing the average "Joe". Aside from a few apperances here and there (and a critically acclaimed cameo in Guapo's cult classic REMbug), I've been featured in many commercials that you may have seen (although you probably didn't). Spawning primarily from my brief stint as a production intern at a local company during my college years, I have been widely recognized for my apperances in random commercials.

The first of many appeared in Roseville, Oregon, where I was cast as "Some Dude Buying Sink Parts". Many actors claim that their early work was their finest, and in my case, I have to agree...

Indeed, I set the bar high from the get-go. However, the firey soul of an actor burned within me, and I answered shortly after with the ever-popular role of "Guy Proposing At A Local Mexican Restaurant". See if you can spot me in this cinematic classic...

For years following that appearance, I would have friends calling me to say "Was that you in a Chapalas Comercial?" Indeed it was, although the fiance was only a stand-in (her loss). Climb on board while you can, and soon you'll be able to say "I read that douchebag's blog long before he was famous!"

As long as my career avoids the pitfalls of Viagra or hemorrhoid cream commercials, I figure I should do OK for myself.

Sword Swingin'

Working in television news, there are days where you feel like your story has made a difference in the lives of your viewers. It feels good to produce a heart-touching story about everyday people and their pursuit for happiness and success. Then, there are days where a crazy man brings a 6-foot long homemade sword to a Chevron in Stockton. This was one of those days.

Here's the thing: if you're gonna make a sword at home, that's fine. If you're going to carry it to the local gas station, no big deal. But when you're there, please don't swing it at cops. They really don't like it when you do.

Apparently, nobody warned 22-year-old Thomas Neil, who found himself in a bit of a pickle as he flailed his massive sword around the store and threatened the local 5-0.

It took three rubber bullets, three tazer shots and a police dog to finally subdue the wily swordsman, who had previously visited the store wielding a railroad spike and caused a similar disturbance.

So next time you're heading to market, consider leaving your homemade weapons at your house (or compound). I guess that's just an example of the oppression faced by modern day slayers in this country. Big Government trying to take away your Second Amendment rights.

If you're curious, check out some of the raw security video here.