Alfonzo meets Aykroid... Vodka Ensues

If famed beta tape Alfonzo likes two things, it's mingling with well-to-do's and vodka (not necessarily in that order).

Today, Sacramento offered the perfect storm for ol' Alfie. For you see, Dan Aykroid, star of such classics as Caddyshack 2, My Girl and Tommy Boy, was dropping by a local BevMo to promote his Crystal HeadVodka.


Dan and Alfonzo sat down for a brief chat about the finer things in life, such as vodka and Ghostbusters 3.


Overall, it was an interesting experience. It seemed as if he was really hopped up of caffeine... he showed up half an hour early, got the crowd riled up, walked right past the local media waiting to chat with him, and started signing bottles of his premium vodka. I had a chance to throw out two questions- one was the gimme question about his vodka, which he went into in detail without really looking up from his signing, and the other was about Ghostbusters 3, which was summed up with, "I'm its biggest cheerleader, and that's all I'll say."


While he was brief with me, he certainly didn't come off as an asshole, which is what everyone in the newsroom assumed when I returned without much in the way of an exclusive. He seemed like he really wanted to get people filing through because it was hot outside (over 100... in September?!) and he seemed excited to meet the fans. Each was shuffled through hastily (again, it seemed like he drank a shit-ton of caffeine before the event), but he was very polite. He invited kids to come behind the table to take a picture with him, he thanked people for waiting so long in line, he even called one guy back over because he forgot to shake his hand. Hey, I can appreciate that.

He was even willing to scribble his old "Herbie Hancock" (Tommy Boy, anybody?) on Alfonzo, to which he said, "Ha! It's an old beta tape". He seemed more amused by the fact that it was a beta tape than the fact that it had a mustache... but hey, the man knows comedy, so perhaps I'm the one that's wrong.

Nice guy, although I had a little more fun conversing with Ernie Hudson a few months back, who actually stepped outside to chat for a good 10 minutes with me and didn't seem creeped out by me telling him I used to play with his action figure as a toddler.

Still, this means Alfonzo has canoodled with "nearly 75%" (anybody catch that Ghostbusters reference?) of the Ghostbusters. And, by my count, that ain't bad. Harold Ramis... you're next.

Lord of the Flats

Today started off normal, not unlike any other. The assignment: Modesto. A fair 90 minute drive from home base. No biggie.

As the reporter sidekick and I are crusing along Highway 99, discussing how all our problems would be solved if we could write just one hit song that made its way into every movie for a year or two (Smash Mouth's All Star was the prime example, although Yello's Oh Yeah wasn't without an honorable mention), we suddenly heard a hiss. Then Ol' Trusty (the sattelite truck) started gettin' a bit wobbely. We pulled off the freeway to discover we'd dun got ourselves a flat.

"No worries," I declared as I phoned our tow truck pals (they hear from us regularly). With help on the way, we sat back and prepared to enjoy the unintended break from work. Unfortunately, the tire decided to blow in the middle of nowhere rather than at the Hooters we passed a few miles back. Damn.

Oh well, might as well kick back and relax. I mean, it's not like we were stranded out in the desert, right?

The following is a journal discovered in the back of the live truck the following day:

Minute 10: It has occurred to us that it is an unseasonably warm day in September, even for the Central Valley. It's triple-digit heat, and we're starting to feel it. Hoo-wee...

Minute 15: I notice that my water bottle is only half full. I joke to Reporter Ben that we will need to start rationing it. He laughs... but it doesn't sound like a completely honest laugh. Huh.

Minute 17: Ben asks if I'm gonna eat the bagel that he spots in my backpack. I tell him I'm saving it for later, and he looks as if he's thinking something through in his mind. I shrug it off, but I'm starting to wonder about him.

Minute 28: I start to doze off in the back of the truck, when Ben suddenly grabs my arm and bites me. I scream at him, but he insists it was an accident. As he says this, I see a look in his eyes... a look that couldn't possibly be human. I could only pray that the tow truck arrives soon, before things started getting out of hand.

Minute 37: I notice that Ben has wandered off into the distance... and he appears to be talking to somebody. Could he be losing his mind? Or could he be allying himself with a race of invisible natives? Hmm... I will have to remain vigilant.

Minute 42: It has become apparent that Ben's new colony is planning to steal my bagel the moment I fall asleep. So as long as I remain awake, I my bagel should be safe. But how long can I go without sleep?

Minute 50: The attack came as I pretended to nap in the truck. He and his minions were no match for my army of mustached beta tapes that I had amassed while he was away. His nose is bleeding and it appears as if he may start crying. Serves him right.

Minute 55: It is clear that Ben has lost his sanity, something that could never possibly happen to me. His invisible minions mock me as I consume the last bit of the water rations. I decide that something must be done...

Minute 65: It was a glorious battle. Both our armies lie dead across the battlefield. All that is left is him and me. As we choke each other, screaming to our made-up gods to strike the other down.... the tow truck arrives. Oh, sweet salvation!!

Minute 72: The truck is loaded and on it's way to Big-O. Ben and I agree never to mention this day to anyone. We go on with our lives as if nothing had happened.

Minute 170: We were live in the 5:30 newscast. Just another day in the life of a couple of Newsies.

The End..... ?

Ready for Some Ultimate Football!!

NFL is over-rated. College football has been done. XFL is dead. So what does that leave one to do with all this free time? Why, turn to the UFL... the Ultimate Football League!! Well, I guess the "U" stands for United, which isn't nearly as sweet, but I guess it could stand for more than one thing.

And look at this... Sacramento's got their own team! The Mountain Lions kicked off their season a few weeks back (to a surprisingly large crowd), providing a happy medium for those who crave football but for some reason don't care for NCAA.

Fronting the pack is former NFL guy Dante Culpepper, reunited with coach Dennis Green. Nice to have some recognizable names leading the charge!

But that's not all. Get this... Denzel Washington's kid, John David Washington, is a running back on the team, and Big-D says he's gonna be at all his home games. That oughta help draw the crowds!

I don't know why the UFL plays the same day as college ball, as I find myself not really wanting to go because I'd be missing other games on TV. With only a hand full of teams, you'd think they'd try to corner the Friday night market (yeah yeah, high school) or maybe play in the off season? I'm sure there are good answers to these that I am unaware of, but I'm just saying that's why I haven't gone yet.

But I certainly might. I mean... Denzel!

The Pumpkins Come to Sactown

While wandering the streets of Sacramento (you may know it as "Sactown") during last month's Second Saturday Art Walk (AKA Free Wine!), I came across a flyer hanging upon a lamp post. Normally, I walk past these without a second thought... but this one caught my eye. It read... Smashing Pumpkins, live at the Crest Theater. Um... huh? First off, the Crest is an indie movie theater in downtown Sac that occasionally hosts live events (such as a Henry Rollins appearance some years ago). Second... the Pumpkins are still around?!

Now, before we move along, let me take you back to a simpler time. A time where Nick at Nite had black-and-white shows, Bob Saget was considered a wholesome family entertainer. and Michael Jackson was alive but only kinda creepy. I was in 7th grade art class, when a fellow student offered to sell me a pair of CDs he no longer wanted. Aerosmith's Get a Grip and The Smashing Pumpkin's Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness for $5. I was gonna have to skip a few lunches, but I was down. Within the next year, The Smashing Pumpkins became one of my two favorite bands in middle school (Pearl Jam dominated the second half... sorry Aerosmith).

Back to present... I had to find out what this show was about. So I grabbed me up a pair of tickets, and some 14 years later I was ready to check out one of the great 90's depressing music bands.


Now, mind you... Today's Smashing Pumpkins isn't quite the same as it was back in my day. That is to say, it is Billy Corgan and a bunch of new people. But to be fair, he still has a chick on bass, an Asian dude on guitar and a (I can only assume) coke-head on drums. I was sad to see it wasn't the same line-up, although I do recall seeing guitarist James Iha playing with A Perfect Circle when I was in college (at the Salem Armory, which is an awful place to see a show... acoustics are terrible). Still, it's pretty darn close, so I'm in! It's certainly better than the modern day version of Guns N' Roses!

So, I gotta say, they sounded awesome.


After a bit of new stuff, they hit us with plenty of classics- Today, Ava Adore, Cherub Rock, Tonight Tonight... and they sounded fantastic.

I was very pleased to find that the small theater they were playing had excellent acoustics. Here's a quick taste of Bullet with Butterfly Wings:

The only thing that seemed kinda strange was that for the first hour or so, none of them addressed the crowd, aside from a "Sacramento!" thrown out amidst a song I didn't recognize. They just kinda played one song after another, as if we weren't there. And it was clear that Billy was in charge, pointing to the other band members and telling them to do things here or there. So after that hour of rockin', he finally started talking to the audience (he's friggin' huge, by the way). "So, do you guys really call yourselves Sactown? There was a magazine called Sactown in my hotel room, and I gotta say, that's not a great tourist draw. 'Hey, we're hangin' in Sactown!" Funny stuff. After that, the audience seemed a little more receptive, and the band seemed to have a little more fun, breaking into jams (featuring a bit of Led Zeppelin), a drum solo, and such.




They played for a solid 2 hours, and that's great. But for the last 20 minutes or so, they went into some sort of psychadelic jam session. It was cool and all, but after about 10 minutes I decided to take my seat and wait until they finally hit us with the 2 songs blatantly missing from the set-list: Zero and 1979. As the wild guitar solos came to a close, everyone stood up and started cheering, so I could only assume it was time to tear up the last two classics! So I stood up, to find that everyone had put down their instruments and were leaving the stage. The house lights came up, the exit music started, and people shuffled out. What the hell?! Where are the last two songs?? That's like if Metallica didn't play Enter Sandman... if The Rolling Stones didn't play Brown Sugar... If Prince didn't play that song about partyin' like it's 1999. It kinda put a damper on the whole party, at least in my eyes, and I walked out in shock. I hadn't been this upset since Bon Jovi forgot to play that song from Young Guns 2. C'mon, Billy! C'mon.

That aside, I really couldn't complain. The band sounded way better than I thought they would. They pounded through a good number of classics, and the songs that I didn't know, including some of the new stuff, sounded pretty damn good (A Stitch in Time is worth listening to). It was a great show, and very cool of them to tour in small venues that could be easily sold out. In a place like the Crest, there isn't a bad seat in the house (although we did get some pretty money seats).

I'm happy to finally check off the Pumpkins on the list of bands I've seen in concert, and I hope that Corgan can craft together a quality album with his new line-up so that we can get some stuff on par with... well, with the songs that they forgot to play.