High Rollin'

You're probably well aware at this point, but the economy has seen better days, Congress is an embarrassment, and an "awe shucks" hockey mom could be the next president. Yes, times are looking bleak. After the 2004 election, I went around proclaiming to my drunken college chums that John Kerry should run again in 2008 on the "I Told You So" platform. I got many-a-laugh, but few realized how right I would be. Maybe now people will listen to my drunken proclamations more often.

If only there was a way for us commoners to alleviate the pain and frustration that comes with today's economic woes.

Wait, I know... Segway Polo!!

That's right! Can't afford a horse? Got no room for a pool? Well the gentleman's game of polo is no longer restricted to the ultra-elite! All you need is a Segway, a stick and a ball, and you're ready to rock!

So what is there to it? Ya speed around on these little contraptions and hit a ball into a net! It couldn't be simpler! Hell, even your run-of-the-mill photog could figure that out!

So forget about the tanking stock market! Ignore that pesky election and that war that probably isn't even going on anymore. It's time to start enjoying life again! So head to your garage, grab a foam ball, some mallets and 8 or 9 Segways, and head down to your local park and/or gymnasium, and remind yourself that things really ain't all that bad!

Wait... how much does that little thing cost?!

Well I guess that explains the bumper sticker...

An Evening with Lew

The country is in a troubled place these days. If you can still hear the political bickering over the crashing of the economy, you'd notice that candidates are getting desperate, gas prices ain't going down, and that lipstick on a barnyard animal may or may not change the fact that it is a barnyard animal. A lot of Americans are angry with the state of the country, but none quite as much as Lewis Black.

Lew wandered onto a dark stage at the UC Davis campus tonight, with a laundry list of complaints and a sold-out Mondavi Center crowd to complain to.

If you're familiar with his work, which is often showcased on The Daily Show and various other Comedy Central programs, then you know what to expect: finger pointing, shouting and getting so worked up with frustration that he can't finish his sentence. For an hour and a half or so, he vented those frustrations on a choir of liberal Californians ranging in age from early teens to approaching-a-century, and boy did they like the abuse.

As he strolled out to greet the adoring crowd in his "it's laundry day" attire, he was met by a heckler from the moment the applause died down. Mind you, this is not a small club, but a sizable theater, and some smart-ass decided to shout out, before he even started his set, "Did you go on a diet?" He met the inquisitive douchebag head-on, replying that he had not gone on a diet. Rather, TV tends to add 15 pounds and at his age he sees no reason to curb his appetite. He continued from there, explaining that this was not how the show was planned, but since the audience seems to have something else in mind, we might as well go with a quick Q & A and he'll say goodnight.

Asking if anyone else had pressing questions, one girl shouted out "You're hot!", to which a fellow audience member asked angrily to "Shut up", as he clearly wanted the set to begin. Lew pounced on this as well, calling out the "shut up" guy for denouncing someone calling him attractive. The first ten minutes or so ended up being an impromptu back-and-fourth with those who thought they'd be funny by interrupting. Like a true professional, he worked it into a hilarious bit that started the night off on a side-splitting note.

As the night went on, he railed on McCain. He railed on Obama. Palin is an idiot, governmental economists are morons, and the thought of anyone who voted for Bush twice caused him to shake his head rapidly and stop his rant out of frustration. It was a great performance, where he delivered up-to-the-minute political ridicule, and left the audience laughing hysterically at their own grim situations. After a lackluster opening act, I had begun to doubt whether or not I was in the mood to laugh that night. From the moment he hit the stage, any doubt faded. This is one seriously funny dude.

Before tonight, I'd never seen a stand-up comedian live before. The closest thing I'd seen to one was last year's 3+ hour encounter with Henry Rollins, which wasn't really stand-up, even if it often proved to be hilarious. Stand-up is a difficult profession, and is absolutly painful to watch if someone sucks at it (which most people seem to in their early years, including Black (as was chronicled in his book)), so it's always impressive to see a pro in action. This guy knows what's funny, and he knows how to make an audience laugh. I'll have to check out some more of this stand-up business another time. Until then, I think I've been satisfied.

Rockin With the Pilots

After a five year hiatus, STP is back. With 40 million albums sold worldwide and countless chart toppers that still receive regular airplay on the radio, it was only a matter of time before these California rockers reunited and hit the road. I was excited to hear they were back, although I had my doubts as to whether they'd ever make it out here before their infamous frontman Scott Weiland found himself back in jail and/or rehab.

To my surprise, he and the band did indeed make it out to Sacramento last night, where they rocked the Memorial Auditorium.

Can they still rock? You bet. Despite a surprisingly undersold venue, they hit the stage and cranked out many of their classics, as Weiland strutted around the stage like a Mick Jagger in training. They've definitely got some of the catchier tunes to come out of the 90's rock scene, and it's tough to argue with hearing them live.

However, while it was a good show, I will say that I've seen better. The band sounded great, but at times it seemed like they were just going through the motions rather than really getting into it. With a song catalog filled with rockin classics, you'd think that a reunion tour would be a live performance of a greatest hits album. Several of their best songs were left out of the set, including Interstate Love Song and the Grammy-winning Plush. In their places were a few slow jams that never really went anywhere and kinda killed the mood. A one song encore of Dead and Bloated was offered, but really only as a courtesy gesture. I was a little surprised when it came to an end, because there were still songs that needed to be played and plenty of time to play them. Good show, good performance, but not great.

But perhaps the reason for this was the audience of Sacramento folk. Everyone was surprisingly tame for an open-floor rock concert. Not all that long ago, these guys were selling out stadiums around the world. While other performances on this tour were sold out, this one left plenty of elbow room. Plus not too many people were singing along, not too many people were dancing or banging their heads. They were just kinda standing around, as if they were watching a political speech. I was able to walk right up to the front with ease only moments before they hit the stage, and actually had two people get mad at me because they didn't want me standing in front of them. C'mon people! That's Scott Weiland standing ten feet away from you! Do you realize how amazing it is that he didn't do something stupid and get arrested on the ride over here? Do you even know who these guys are?

I'm not a die-hard fan of these guys, but I certainly like their work. I couldn't believe the tameness of the audience. Where I come from, if you're that close to the stage, you're probably going to get smashed around and kicked in the head a few times by crowd surfers. Here, if you bumped into the person in front of you, they'd turn around and shoot you a glare. Now, I have no need to find myself in a mosh pit at my old age, and I certainly appreciate being able to watch the show from so close without getting pummeled, but it didn't seem like anybody in the audience really wanted to be there. This is the second concert that I've been to in Sacramento, and both were surprisingly tame. I can't say that I'd blame the band if they chose to forgo an additional encore, because these people probably didn't deserve one.

At the end of the night, I enjoyed myself, but certainly left feeling like I should have had more coming to me. Still, I'm glad I caught these guys, and I'd be willing to give them another chance in a better city. I'm glad to see they're back, whether or not anyone else around here gives a damn.