Cabbies of Death

Having Mondays as a part of the weekend can be both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, there's nobody at the grocery store, riding the slopes or packing the gym. On the other hand, there's rarely anything interesting going on. So if there's ever something going down on a Monday night, I'm quick to jump into action.

Last night, for example, some non-newsie pals of mine (AKA people with normal schedules, or "Normies") were off to see Death Cab for Cutie in downtown Sac, and while they're a little tamer than my usual fare, I couldn't think of a better way to spend a Monday night than downing a few beers and watching some live music. So I was in.

An hour or so before the show, we passed by the venue on our way to grab a pre-show pitcher or two down the street, and found that hundreds of little emo teenagers rounded the block, shaking in anticipation. Oh boy.

So in addition to Death Cab, of which I recognized three or four songs before the show, The Cold War Kids were supposed to be playing, along with some other nobody band. A quick YouTube investigation led me to discover that The Cold War Kids played that one song that I'd heard on the radio with some regularity but assumed they were somebody else. So alright, I'll check them out.

But as it turns out, someone in that band was sick and they had to cancel only a few hours before the show. Hey, it happens... but more on that later.

Death Cab for Cutie was actually pretty good, for the type of music that they play. They sounded good, they had some decent energy, and if I had been a teenage girl, I probably would have been extatic to see them. Fortunately (for many reasons) I'm not, so I kept my distance as I took it all in.

So yeah, good show. About what I expected, which wasn't a whole lot, but I wasn't disappointed. They weren't as much fun to watch as Wyclef was on Saturday, but I enjoyed myself, aside from a few gripes that shall now be unleashed...

For starters, I decided to take a quick bathroom/beer restocking break after about 3 or 4 Death Cab songs. To my dismay, I found that the beer garden, along with all beer dispensaries, had been shut down. It was barely after 9 PM, the main act had just started, and the place had gone drier than Utah on Mardi Gras. Broken and beat, I returned to the show with a frown that would have made one of those sad clowns shed a tear for me.

On top of that, one of the opening acts canceled. Now, in my book, that gives you two options... When I went to the Bridge School Benefit a few years back, Eddie Vedder and Flea were supposed to do a set together. Unfortunately, Eddie had a family emergency and had to cancel, leaving the promoters to call in the quick replacement of My Morning Jacket. By no means an equal, but they filled the void nicely, and everyone was happy.

The alternate option is for the remaining bands to say "Hey, sorry about that, but here's a few extra songs, maybe some random covers, and if we all play a little extra we'll all go home happy". I think that fully seems reasonable. I don't care if the songs haven't been rehearsed and sound like crap, but how about a quick rendition of "Taking Care of Business", or maybe a choppy version of "Free Bird"? That'd kill like 12 minutes!

But no... the first opening act played for 30 minutes, which was probably a blessing in all fairness. But Death Cab performed a solid 90 minute set, complete with a 3 song encore that contained one of their hits. Not bad, but clearly no attempt to make up for 1/3 of the show dropping out. There was a brief mention of the fact, a song dedicated to the guy that was sick, but no apology or attempt to make it up to us, the fans (well, I use the term loosely).

Back in the early 90's, Metallica and Guns N' Roses were co-headlining. James Hetfield caught fire from a misplaced pyro and was rushed to the hospital. GNR could have gone on stage and made up for the sudden cancelation... but Axl decided he had a sore throat and left the stage after only a few songs. The result? A big ol' riot. Now I don't expect those emo kids to start tipping police cars, but come on.

So overall, not a bad show. Could have used more music and more beer, but I suppose I went in without sky-high expectations, so it's hard to leave feeling too angry. Especially when you've been listening to downer music for the last 90 minutes.

Oh and one last thing, they've gotta be the weakest band in the history of music to use the word "Death" in their name. Just sayin.

Wyclef and the 'crats

When it comes to a party, everyone knows that you've gotta have live music if you're gonna impress anybody. So when San Francisco mayor Gavin "It's Inevitable" Newsom came to Sacramento promoting for his run for California governor, you know he's gotta bring some big guns if he's gonna make an impression.

So what does he do? He and former NBA all-star mayor Kevin Johnson show the convention of California Young Democrats how to throw a party.

But you can't just close down a street and throw up a stage in midtown Sacramento unless you're really ready to party. And while Newsom can't quite compare to the previous bids for governor, he certainly brought a fine party to town.

The "exclusive" block party featured none other than the former-Fugee Wyclef Jean, who appeared after a (thankfully) short speech by the candidate. And it was quite the party.

Now, I will say that I've never been a fan of the Fugees or Wyclef himself. Not that I have anything against them, but it's not my usual iTunes fodder. That being said, I have to admit that this guy was awesome. I didn't know any of his original stuff, but he threw in a handfull of Bob Marley tunes, along with the House of Pain classic Jump Around, which combined with some lovely springtime weather added up to a pretty sweet night on the town. I'm not saying I'm ready to vote for ol' Gav, but he definitely gained some bonus points after this party.

I know it's early to kick-start another election season, but as long as candidates keep coming with events like this, I say bring it on! The standard has been set, Jerry Brown... what's your retort?

Feeding the Hungry

8 pounds of fried asparagus in ten minutes.

If somebody is really good at something that I can't do, then I'm happy to recognize it and, in many cases, applaud it. I can't fly a plane, so I have respect for those who can. I also can't play guitar, preform open heart surgery or do a backflip. To those who can, my hat is tipped in your general direction.

I also cannot eat 8 pounds of deep fried asparagus in ten minutes. I probably couldn't eat that much in ten years, and to be honest, I'm not sure I even want to try a single spear. But then, I don't aspire to greatness in the same fashion as others do.

The annual Stockton Asparagus Festival hosted another chapter in the always entertaining storybook of competitive eating competitions, and the big guns came out to play. World famous Kobayashi de-throner Joey Chestnut was front and center, flanked by pals Pat "Deep Dish" Bertoletti and Erik the Red. Oh, it is on.

The batter flew, the Kool-Ade splashed and the asparagus disappeared by the handful. I've seen some amazing things in my time, but never have I seen such a spectacular display of athleticism and grace. By that, I mean nobody puked, and that's really saying something.

As the spears settled and the time limit came upon us, one man stood triumphant, just barely edging out his companion-in-consumption. Could it be... did it really happen... Yes! Pat "Deep Dish" Bertoletti proved triumphant, consuming over 8 pounds of fried asparagus. That's... well, just disgusting.

Crowd favorite Joey Chestnut was a close second, followed by "the greatest rapper in the competitive eating circuit", Eric "Badlands" Booker. In the land of the hungry, these men stand as kings. And, like I said, I can't do that, so props to you fellas. Props.

In Recognition of 420

It's great to live in a country where everyone is allowed to have their own holiday. The Christians (and retail stores) get Christmas, the Irish (and alcoholics) get St. Patrick's Day, and Hallmark gets Valentines Day. Yes, something for everyone! But wait, what about those smelly, unambitious losers that I always see drinking Yoohoo in the park?

Yes, even they get a day to call their own, a day to take a break from lying around watching cable movies to... lie around and watch cable movies. Dreams? Ambitions? They can be held off until tomorrow, because today is the most joyous of days. In their honor, I present the following video, something that will not make sense to normal folks like you and me, but to them will make perfect sense...

Happy 4-20. Now go get a job, you damn dirty hippies.

Teabagging: The Republican Solution?

Perhaps you heard about yesterday's Tax Day Tea Parties that were going on around the country. We had a dandy one here in Sacramento, where "tea" was dumped into the Sacramento river by protesters in costume as rallies took place across the nation.

I made my way down to the setup the evening before, by way of work, to find it was a non-partisan group who wished to protest the massive spending and tax increases imposed by the new administration. This "non-partisan" event was sponsored and widely promoted by none other than the "fair and balanced" Fox News Channel, who sent their non-partisan crew to host many of the events, including the notoriously non-partisan clan of Glen Beck, Sean Hannity and Newt Gingrich. Sacramento was fortunate enough to be graced with the presence of the always dainty Neil Cavuto.

The end result was a little silly, a little stupid, and probably didn't prove much anything to anyone. But all that work was worth every moment of effort, seeing as how it ended with this newly classic line from Anderson Cooper:

Who knew David Gergen had such a whimsical laugh?

Good luck to the Grand Ol' Party, who hopes to be teabag (and Palin?) free in '12!

Blingin: Country Style

There are may ways that people choose to express their riches to the world. Some like to cover themselves from head to toe in expensive jewelery, others like to stand in front of their fancy cars or surround themselves with beautiful women. Seeing as how I choose to keep my riches (generated by this blog, obviously) a secret to the public, I try to avoid any of these excessive displays of human peacocking.

However, if you choose to display yourself as such, please be sure to take pictures without these excesses on display, in case a respectable photo is ever needed of you.

In one tragic case, a man was wanted by the police of a local city for kidnapping his 14 year old girlfriend and their child. Officers only had one photo to identify the man, which they distributed to the media:

Yes, this was the wanted photo that made the evening news. A man, chillin' in front of his crib, flashin' his bling. I know ladies, it's hard to resist. Even harder to resist is to work some jokes in with the rooster's other name (the business end of cockfighting), but I will leave those up to your imagination.

For months now, this photo has been proudly displayed on the back refrigerator at the station, and it still brings a smile to my face.

Oh, the girl and baby were safely returned, by the way, so it's ok to laugh at this.

Wish I had a rooster that big, then I'd be fightin' the ladies off. I wonder if those "natural rooster enhancement" pills I keep seeing commercials for actually work...

Guapo Goes to the Movies

As the summer season fast approaches, movie buffs around the world are hopping from foot to foot, waiving their hands in anticipation as kickass trailer after trailer is released, previewing a blockbuster season full of blowing shit up. Terminator? Wolverine? A J.J. Abrams version of Star Trek? Nothing but promise. But that's not all...

Reclusive filmmaker Kurt "El Guapo" Richter has come out of seclusion to once again invite the world into his maddening world of madness. Surely you remember his previous groundbreaking work, including the emotional rollercoaster Hippies and the cult-classic REMbug (which featured my critically acclaimed acting debut). Well he's back, and he means business.

So check out the trailer for his next epic film, Crowbar:

And if you've got some dough kickin around, be sure to toss it their way, as they are looking for funding to complete the masterpiece. You can become a major Hollywood investor without the requirement of a douchebaggy pony tail!

On Yelping (or How I Learned to Love the Internet)

It wasn't all that long ago that I was standing on top of a soap box, hollering "MySpace is for douchebags". It's stupid and nobody should use it.

Shortly after, I started my first job out of college, and suddenly found myself surrounded by douchebags.

(As it turns out, I fit right in...)

(...but back to my point:)

I was surrounded by everyone at work clamoring over who-said-what on MySpace and how so-and-so posted a picture that had the entire newsroom gawking. Giving in to peer pressure, I sold my soul and climbed aboard. However, I insisted to the boys that I hadn't gone soft, it was just because of work. It's where everyone was sending stuff to each other, and I had to stay in the loop. Their cock-eyed glances showed doubt, but they allowed me to remain within the pride (mostly because I was the only one that actually had a job out of college).

A short while before that, a lil' lass known as Facebook came prancing onto college campuses. Requiring an official college email address to sign up, it helped those looking to reconnect with old pals and find people that were taking the same class. There was much reluctance, but I kept insisting that "I just wanted to see what the ol' high school crew was up to these days". That was my excuse, both to my friends and myself.

It has been several years now, and I've found myself in a different place. After renouncing MySpace in the name of Facebook, I find myself wandering through there more often than not, constantly bombarded with useless information and photos of old friends getting hammered. And I've noticed that I'm not alone. Everyone and their mother (yes, mothers are on there too) now has a Facebook account, and it's become as common as having a phone number. People ask at bars if they can find you on Facebook... If they say they only have MySpace, they are met with a grimace and a turn-away.

The world has changed, and at a lightning pace. So much so that I'm starting to have trouble understanding what kids are talking about these days. As I'm sure you have all noticed, this hip-and-happening trend has seeped its way into the world of Journalism, allowing people to think they're interacting with what's on their television (but really are just racking up hits on the station's website... ca-ching!). I've made my viewpoints on this clear in the past, so I'll move on to my point.

The next evolution has arrived: Twitter. Now, when I was growing up, to "twitter" someone meant something a whole lot different than what it does today. I will start off by saying that I have never been to a Twitter website. I do not have an account, and I am only vaguely familiar with its concept. And it's there that I'm taking my stand. There's so much crazy crap to get sucked into... do I really need to start again with another? I don't give a damn if my "Give Obama a chance" tweet scrolls across Rick Sanchez's CNN show; nobody cares to read it, and even if they did, they wouldn't pay attention because their own opinion is more important than mine. It's a silly gimmick... just a stepping stone in the slow evolution of combining television news with the Internet. It's inevitable, and one day it'll be something great... but right now, the last thing I want to see when I turn on the news is SexyAngel29's opinion on the AIG bonuses. I don't care. You don't care. But go to their website and you may see your comment on air.

Again, I digress. There's lots of new ways to get sucked into the Internet. Lots of ways to waste your life rather than going outside and interacting with the real world. It's easy to say that... but here I am blogging, while chatting with a coworker on Gmail chat and checking my Facebook account for updates... but still, I've confidently shot down Twitter and managed to avoid any new Internet addictions.

Then stupid Yelp came along and ruined it all.

In case you're unaware, Yelp is a website that allows you to write reviews for businesses. And damnit, they got me.

I've found myself sitting in a restaurant with poor service and thinking to myself "Oh, this is going on Yelp". I've stood in line at the post office for unreasonable amounts of time due to incompetent staff, and told myself, "Relax, you'll Yelp about this later and let the world know that those who work at the J street post office are morons". I'm not proud of my new addiction, but at least it's satisfying.

Give it some time, and perhaps restaurant managers will start worrying that every customer might be a food critic. Nobody wants to get a negative Yelp, so perhaps it's a way to start holding people accountable.

Or maybe it's just another gimmick, like Rick Sanchez reading one out of every 70,000 "tweets" on air.

Look... I've got a lot of opinions, and it's high time everyone hears about them. I'm not pleased to admit that I've got myself a new addiction... but at least I'm not wasting away on Twitter.