The F*ck You Burger

Fast food is never anyone's first choice for a meal. You know that, and they know that. But when in a hurry, or when too cheap to dine elsewhere, fast food is there for you. They won't judge your quadruple Whopper or your chocolate shake that has 3 days worth of calories. No, they are there to provide a service, generally with a smile. But not always...

Francisco had a simple request. Grabbing a late night snack after picking up his mother, he asked that their Whopper be cut in half so that they could share. Reasonable, especially given the "Have it Your Way" mantra that BK has promoted throughout the years. But what he got wasn't quite what he ordered.

"A f*ck you burger. They gave me a f*ck you burger, and ok whatever."

Didn't see that one on the menu? Neither did Francisco, so either it's one of those secret menu items like at In & Out, or someone is being a prick. The burger itself seemed normal, but it was the receipt that appeared to be slightly off...

Do you see the part that doesn't look right? Look closely, for you may have missed it at first glance.

The man just wanted to share a burger with his mother. Apparently that's frowned upon at Burger King these days, or at least by some guy named Armand.

So next time be sure to check your receipt, there might just be a lead story hiding on it. And you may want to consider cutting your burger in half yourself.

Energy on Demand, Round 2

Caffeine is an essential ingredient to any successful television program. Without a cast and crew that is completely wired and strung out, many of your favorite shows would never make air. As a result, I myself have become a bit of a caffeine fiend, and will take it in most any form that it comes. However, I have found energy drinks to be much more effective in combatting sleep and restyness, a condition that is rapidly spreading in today's over-saturated news environment.

A few years back, I realized that the energy drink market was rapidly expanding, often in new and hilarious ways. You aren't just buying a jolt of caffeine... you're investing in an image. While many of the drinks back then were amusing, I have found that they hardly compare to what is on the market these days. Better put a saddle on that funny horse, because this is gonna be a laugh rodeo!

X-Treme Drink #1: Molontov Mango con Tapatio

Have you ever been eating a mango and found yourself saying, "Man, this would go great with some hot sauce"? Then you got some hot sauce and said, "Man, this would taste great in an energy drink!" I know, who hasn't. Well the geniuses at Molontov decided to cash in on this brilliant conception, and the results are.... well, probably what you'd expect. Horrid.

At first it's not too bad... hey, who doesn't like mango! But as you swallow it, there is an odd burning that coats your throat and just kinda gets stuck there. After three sips, I had to toss it because I didn't think it would stay down. Seriously, this stuff is rough, and takes the honor of being the only energy drink I have been unable to finish. Brutal.

Plus I've got a feeling that you could actually stuff a rag into the top of it and use it as a molontov cocktail.

X-Treme Drink #2: Hyphy Energy

If you have never gotten hyphy, then you, my friend, have not truly lived. Clearly you aren't a mid-90's East Bay rapper (you almost had me fooled). A word credited to classical musicians Keak Da Sneak and Mac Dre, "Getting Hyphy" seems to have two main elements to it (from what I can tell): You tug on your collar while you dance, and you ghost ride your whip. All that gettin' hyphy is gonna take a lot of energy... fortunately this comes equipped with "a power packed fusion of grape and apple," or as they call it, Grapple!

Can you imagine trying to look like a ruff guy in the hood without a 10 oz. can of Grapple? Forget it. That ain't hyphy. That ain't even gangsta. Speaking of which, that leads us to our next entry...

X-Treme Drink #3: 2pac Hunid Racks

When a dead guy puts out an energy drink, you know it's gotta be strong. Perhaps this explains how 2pac has been able to keep putting out records despite the notable handicap of being deceased. "Respect the Name. Respect the Game. Respect the Drink." Let me aks you, would you mess with an energy drink like that? Didn't think so. Because this is an energy drink "for the real hustlers":

Now if that isn't ridiculous, I don't know what is. Oh wait, yes I do. It's...

X-Treme Drink #4: Extenze Male Enhancement Energy

Feeling tired? Got a small wang? Well look no further! Extenze Energy combines a delicious caffinated drink with a unique "male enhancement" formula that promises to... well... deliver "a big johnson every time":

I don't think I can say anything more about this product. Just pointing out the fact that it exists should be sufficient.

So get out there and start consuming your caffeine in these new and exciting ways! Today's energy drink offers something coffee never can: comedy.

GIANTS!!

The San Francisco Giants are the world champs!!!

Now, I'm quick to admit that I've never been a hardcore baseball fan, as many others claim to be. But I grew up in the Bay Area, and have always considered myself a fan of the Giants (although the A's are a little closer to my heart). I throw out this disclamer because there have been a lot of people hopping onto the Giants bandwagon in the past month or so, and I just want to make clear that I am not one of them. I'm no die-hard fan, but me and Los Gigantes do have a bit of a history.

After all, I did make it out to a handful of games this year, including one with some fellow newsies, and one that was part of a wedding (and just happened to be the game that they were declared NL West champs).

While I wasn't fortunate enough to get in on the World Series coverage for the news (AKA got shafted), I was pleased to be entertained by an exciting collection of games that ended much better than their last attempt. Woo!

And, to top it off, we were lucky enough to get a visit by Timmy "The Freak" Lincecum! He took time out of his busy pitchin' & smokin' schedule to celebrate with the newsroom. What a guy!

You might be surprised to learn that he is much smaller in person than you'd think.

GIANTS!!