Further Adventures with the Oakland A's

Last night I hit up another Oakland A's game while passing through the Bay Area. Decent game, A's lost, now let's get to the good stuff.

First off, they were playing the Blue Jays, a team that for some reason is from Canada. Who invited these guys? I'd be curious to find out how Toronto sneaked into the MLB to begin with. Did they slip in the back door of the meeting where teams were decided before the first season started, and nobody noticed? Somebody should have said something, but clearly nobody did, so now we're stuck with this damn team. What's the real down side to this, you ask? Why, the Canadian National Anthem, that's what.

What's this about, did we lose a war or something? Did the ominous threats of Canadian Bacon finally come to fruition? How unsettling.

Then we get to this joker...

...a guy dressed in full Blues Brothers gear, complete with an "RIP JAKE" sign. What the hell is this? What does this have to do with baseball? At first I was willing to let it slide because I figured he'd be dancing around and trying to get on the jumbotron. However, every time a song started up, there was no dancing! Barely even a head bob. I guess he must have been mourning the death of Jake, but still, would a little jig be too much to ask? I wish I had said something.

Unfortunately this poor excuse for a Blues Brother is only the beginning of my seating woes. Behind me sat a very large man, and with the lack of space between rows, his presence did not go unnoticed. I had to sit there and listen to him struggle to breathe, with his heaving gut inches from the back of my head. Let me tell you, I wasn't pleased.

Fortunately he got up and waddled to a better seat after the first couple of innings.

Meanwhile, one interesting feature of the Oakland Coliseum is that around this time of the season, it doubles as the home of both the A's and the Raiders. This means that for either game, the field doesn't look quite right.

The A's didn't hit any home runs this evening, but they nailed a field goal and a safety.

Finally the highlight of the evening's festivities- it was Bobblehead night!

Everyone loves a good bobblehead night. Here's second baseman Mark Ellis, if his head was proportionate to that of Barry Bonds. Oh, and like every star athlete, he comes equipped with a can of Pepsi!

Looks like Lil' Webber is going to have some locker room competition!

Floater Life

For the past several weeks, I managed to go without drawing the short straw at work. However, that string of luck came to a halt today, as I was elected to be the floater.

Now, for those of you who aren't "hip to the beat", the floater is essentially the assignment desk's bitch. Anything that comes up throughout the day - press conferences, grass fires, cat fashion shows - you're sent out to get. Some days, this means you get to kick back and spend your shift watching Perfect Strangers reruns. Others, it means that you don't stop moving until several hours after your shift ends. How did today go for me? Let's just say I didn't get to enjoy any of Balki's hilariously charming antics.

Today's adventure began with... BOOP...BOOP...BOOP (That's the Price is Right wheel sound, just to clarify)... HOUSE FIRE!

Welcome to Rancho Murieta, a lovely private community about 20 miles East of Sacramento. With only one guarded gate in and out, these well-to-do folk are sure to avoid any of the riff-raff commoners you and I know as our neighbors and coworkers.

Well, a lovely house in this community mysteriously caught fire in the middle of the night. House damaged, people safe, end of story.

What have we got next? Survey says... FOOTBALL!

UC Davis recently built a new football stadium on their campus. Now, this "stadium" is no Autzen. Hell, it doesn't even match up to Cal's Memorial Stadium (What are you memorializing? Your dignity?). However, it is still a fine little complex, complete with a restroom and two concession stands. Sweet.

The game, which was actually a scrimmage with the team playing against itself, consisted primarily of fumbles and the occasional field goal. The story? People like stadium, people like football. Moving along.

Our Davis fun didn't end with the game. What's a trip out of town without... WEATHER!

Every night our weathrcaster plays a little video of something weather-related that took place somewhere in our market. Kids playing in a pool, for example, is gold.

College campuses are usually a decent supplier of weather video, so I decided to drop in on the UC campus while I was in the area. Usually, there are people studying, eating, lying out in the sun, etc. Saturdays in August, however, don't make for the most bustling collegiate experience. The campus was pretty dead, but I grabbed what I could before I was pulled away for BrEaKiNg NeWs!

Today's police scanner story has provided us with a... FOREST FIRE!

This little slugger was brought to us by the town of Arnold. Now I know what you're thinking... "Who's Arnold?" That's what I thought, because why would anyone name their town, let alone their kid, Arnold? Well that remains a mystery for another day, but I do know this... Arnold is a long-ass distance away. Drive to Stockton, which is far away enough as is, then head East for another 70 miles or so, and you'll almost be to the town of Arnold.

In addition to the massive distance, there was another little detail to this story that I bet you didn't see coming. As a result of the fire, the nearby highway had to be shut down. Q: What's the hardest part about shooting a story that takes place on a closed highway? A: The goddamn highway is closed.

Now, being a member of the news media, police will let me past their barriers into otherwise unaccessible areas. The only catch is that I have to get to the police barrier in order to sweet-talk my way in. This can be difficult when the road is full of a bunch of jackasses who are sitting in their cars saying to themselves "Hey, the freeway is closed. Rather than turn around, I'm going to sit in my car and wait like a goddamn dipshit". Or so I assume, because it took me over 3 hours to get to this damn fire.

By the time I got there, the fire was out and the remains weren't much to look at. I had to shoot the story quickly, as I still had a mighty journey back to civilization, as well as an approaching deadline.

Thus concludes my day as the floater. Now, out of curiosity, I reset the odometer in the car at the beginning of the day in order to see how much driving I would actually do. I guessed it would be around 150 miles, which I figured was way over the top, and assumed that I'd have to drive around the block a few times to get anywhere near that. The result? Nearly double my prediction.

268.6 miles. To put that into perspective, that's almost as far as driving from Sacramento to Ashland, which is just past the Oregon border. That's a lot of driving. Hey, just another day at the office.

Rocked the Bells

Yesterday's adventure was one for the ages. A legend that shall be passed down from generation to generation, which tells of two men who, in the face of adversity, stood up, raised a fist in the air and declared "Hey, let's get drunk and go to a concert". And so they did.

Guapo and I headed down to San Francisco for the Rock the Bells festival in the parking lot of AT&T Park. After a quick fueling at Chevys...

...and an abundant re-fueling at the beer garden...

...we were ready to partake.

Here are a few of the highlights from the all-day music festival:

Rage Against the Machine

These guys reunited and joined in on only four of the Rock the Bells concerts this summer, and clearly stole the show. They put on an excellent performance that included every song one would want to hear. I always wondered what they'd have to say given today's political climate. If they were pissed back in 1999, then they must really have something to rage about today.

During their performance I learned an important lesson... Shooting video in a Rage mosh pit is both difficult and painful. Unfortunately they wouldn't let me set up a tripod, but I did what I could. Here's their offering of "Bulls on Parade":



I certainly hope this isn't just a one time thing, I'd love to hear a new album from these guys, as well as some modern political commentary.

The Wu-Tang Clan

Also recently reunited was co-headliner The Wu-Tang Clan. This bunch of ruffians took the stage and put on an impressive show. Featuring Shavo Odadjian, basist of System of a Down, they cranked out all the classics and said a prayer for Old Dirty Bastard, everybody's favorite rapping hobo.

Here's a brief clip of their family-friendly yet grammatically incorrect classic, "Wu-Tang Clan Ain't Nuthing ta Fuck Wit":



Good wholesome entertainment.

Cypress Hill

As soon as these guys hit the stage, the doobies went a-blazin' and a cloud of smoke rose into the air. Apparently they're into smoking marijuanas.

Despite what the public access commercials tell you, drugs did not seem to inhibit the performance abilities of these guys. Their set was great and I was thoroughly entertained.

Here's a clip of them singing a song about how, if necessary, they could just kill a man:



I couldn't help but notice the gigantic Buddha statue with a pot leaf on it. If the real Buddha saw this, I bet he'd be pissed.

Public Enemy

It's always good to see these guys in action. They remind us of a simpler time when wearing a clock around one's neck was edgy and original. The best part? Not once during the show did I wonder what time it was. Yeah, boy.

Joining them on stage for their classic "Bring the Noise" was Anthrax's Scott Ian:

(He's the white guy with the pink beard)

It was cool to see these guys, who've been around for a good 20 years and have dominated the VH1 celebrity reality circuit. Can you think of a better way to spend an evening than watching a bunch of whores fight over who's going to sleep with Flavor Flav? I can't.

Also present at the concert was The Roots and Mos Def, who gave his finest performance since "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy". I was hard at work in the beer garden for both of these sets, but they sounded damn fine.

And so the tale has come to an end. Don't forget to keep fighting the man.

Bells Preps

Tomorrow morning the adventure begins. Guapo and I are making a pilgrimage to SF ("We're on a mission from God" style) to get wasted and hit up the Rock the Bells concert outside AT&T Park. In preparation, I stumbled across this classic music video, which I think is awesome. Rage Against the Machine set up and played in front of the New York Stock Exchange. As a result, they (and director Michael Moore) were all arrested and caused the building to shut down. The rest of the video is kinda lame, but that part is sweet and worth taking the time to appreciate.

The best part is the quote taken from a TV news show at the end.

"Fair" and Balanced News

Today was the opening day of the State Fair here in Sacramento. This fair was much more impressive than my experience at last year's Douglas County Fair in Roseburg (mullets as far as the eye could see). It was a fine adventure full of ups, downs, side-to-sides and baby goats. Here are a few of the highlights...

Let me start off with a gentleman's query: What do you get if a midget, a clown and a cowboy have a baby together? Why, a Midget-Clown-Cowboy, of course!

Awesome.

Next up... the press kits that were sent out for the fair included a variety of fair-related air fresheners, one of which consisted of a "cow pie" scented cow. Seriously. It actually smelled like what it was supposed to, and it was quite pungent. Worst marketing campaign ever.

I feel sorry for the guy who has to test these things until they get it right. Bet he didn't see this one coming when he signed up for the gig.

Moving right along, we come to our story. We decided to focus on the less-conventional attractions for the fair- some of the wackier and weirder stuff outside of the rides and games. This took some real deep-cover investigative journalisming... including Mehlhaf scrubbing a pig.

You don't see Anderson Cooper doing that, now do you? Sissy.

And then there's dinner at the fair. Now, several people have told me time and again that their favorite part of the fair is eating a deep fried Snickers. I had yet to try one of these trailer park delicacies, so I decided it was high time I found out how great they really are.

I learned a very important lesson today- don't eat a deep fried Snickers. Mehlhaf took the ritzy route and went with the jumbo corn dog.

Classy.

Now, the real highlight of our fair adventure was the sideshow. This woman came up to us minutes before our live shot, excited to see her favorite news station in action. Unfortunately, she had mistaken us for one of our competitors. Upon learning this fact, she started muttering angrily under her breath. However, she still decided to take a picture of us, so I thought to myself: How can I make her picture ridiculous? Why, if I were to be taking a picture of her taking a picture of us! Why would I want a picture of her taking a picture of me? The concept is absolutely ludicrous! At least, that's what I assume anyone who she showed her picture to would think.

However, it wasn't until moments later that I realized what I was really dealing with... Hoping that she had left satisfied, I turned to find her taking a picture of our traffic cone sitting next to the live truck. At that point, I started to wonder who was playing games with who.

Now that, my friend, is truly ludicrous.

Thus concludes today's adventure at the fair. Oh, and don't forget the moral of the story... Steer clear of the deep fried Snickers. Trust me, nobody wins on this one.

Sketchy Sketch

Working in the business of journalism, there are some days where you must spend your time investigating a story that just makes you shake your head in disgust. Yesterday was one of those days.

In a small Rancho Cordova community laced with apartment complexes, female pedestrians were being victimized by a vial criminal mastermind. Several times over the past few months, women young and old fell victim to this sick and twisted mind. In each case, this man would remain hidden until a female, perhaps a jogger, would pass by. Unbeknownst to them, yet beknownst to him, he was ready to pounce. Once they were in his vicinity, he would spring into action... pleasuring himself.

Obviously the community was in an uproar. Local police distributed sketches of the man throughout the area:

As soon as I saw this sketch, I realized what we were dealing with. This wasn't a person who appreciated civility. He didn't care about the innocence of our children or the safety of our communities. He chose to ignore the unspoken laws of common decency and moral values. You can't reason with a man like this because reason is not something he can comprehend. He was... a Cal Bears fan.

God help us all.

Go Ducks.

Burning Issues

This evening, I was sorting through all of my old videos that I made for classes in college. After watching some of them, I can't believe I actually got anywhere in this business. But I did stumble upon one classic that I felt was worth sharing, if for no other reason because I knew you, the Photocalypse Nation, would be able to laugh at me.

My first class in the journalism school's Electronic Media major was called "Studio Production". The final project was to write and preform a 3-4 minute newscast or talkshow. We also had to produce a 30 second commercial, which would be shown half way through the show. You may be familiar with my commercial submission, a greatest hits album for the musical sensation The Rocky Road Underground.

So here is my final production for this class, a talk show called "Burning Issues". I play the host, Ace Duffley, a pompous jackass who doesn't realize he's interviewing the wrong guy. Co-staring in this masterpiece is my old college chum Dan Rubenstein, who has since created an entertaining romp through last year's college football season, called "The College Football Tour Guide". Check it out if you've got time to kill, it's good for a laugh.

Now, mind you, this scrappy bunch of newbie journalism students didn't do the finest job in producing my work of art. The audio is poorly mixed, the shots are terribly framed, and the directing is just plain bad. However, I believe it is the substance of the piece that really makes it great. Or maybe not. Either way, enjoy Burning Issues with Ace Duffley:

That's My Sac!

Driving through Sacramento and its surrounding areas, one sees many things that few would believe. If you were to see some of these things in a movie, you'd say "There's no way that could be true, they're trying to pull a fast one on me!" Well I assure you, a fast one is not trying to be pulled. There are many wacky sights that go unappreciated in this world (and especially in this county), which is what leads me to premiere the new Photocalypse segment...

That's My Sac!

Sac Moment #1:

Now, it is common knowledge that rappers, thugs and general miscreants take pride in their "Gold Teef". You see it on MTV, HBO and various other outlets that provide examples for wannabe hoodlums. But where does the everyday shopper go to replace the various teeth that have been knocked out/fallen out from general mistreatment (meth)? Why, Gold Time Jewelers and Gold Teeth, of course! I came across this place while passing through South Sac earlier today. In retrospect, I really wish I had gone in, just to see how the place is laid out. "Here we have our wedding rings. Over here is a variety of fine bracelets, and this is our collection of gold and jewel-encrusted teeth. You are welcome to try any of them on."

Sac moment #2:

I came across this on one of my first days in Sacramento, and I wasn't sure what to make of it. Only a few blocks from my apartment, there is a street called "Manlove Road." Now, having grown up in the Bay Area, I like to think of myself as having an open mind to lifestyles that differ from my own. That being said, one has to wonder who came up with this street's name and what they had to say in order to justify it. There can't possibly be any sort of alternate pronunciation. There's no way to explain that "The French say it 'Mon-Luve'". It is very clearly MAN LOVE. Shouldn't there be some Catholic protesters raising hell about this? Which brings me to...

Sac moment #3:

Now I came across this moment a few weeks back. Down on K street, a small movie theater was showing a movie called "Boy Culture", which apparently focused on the life of a gay male prostitute. Several protesters (a handful, perhaps a baker's dozen on a good day) were up in arms over the fact that a theater would show a film that could corrupt our children by promoting a homosexual lifestyle. Mind you, none of these people saw the film, they just assumed that it portrayed a positive image of gay prostitution. Also, I highly doubt that any parent would take their children to see this film. Thus, I found it hard to understand exactly how this film could corrupt our youth. It ran in this theater for two weeks and then disappeared. No one would have even known it was there if it wasn't for these protesters.

Now let me propose this question to you: What is more harmful to our children... Having a small theater show an R rated movie that kids can't get into, or having a 6 year old holding a sign denouncing sodomy? Does this boy even know what that is? And if he does, isn't there something wrong with that? I find it highly ironic that standing next to this boy is another kid, probably his brother, who has a sign that says "Protect our Children". Am I the only one that is amused by this?

Now, the kicker to this whole fiasco is that these people aren't protesting outside the theater. No, they're protesting outside the Catholic church that's down the street from this theater. They're protesting because those who attend this church aren't out protesting this film with them. They waited until Sunday mass ended, then started shouting at these fine Christian folk, telling them that they are "corrupting our children" and "promoting sin" as they exited the church. None of them had any clue why these people were out there yelling at them. Mission: Befuddled.

Oh, and the kicker to the kicker? The intern that tagged along on this story didn't know what sodomy was. After a brief (and relatively clean) explanation, she kept referring to it as "sodonomy". Priceless.

Stay tuned for further episodes of That's My Sac!

Dusty Day

Tonight I made my way out to Raley Field too shoot a good ol' fashioned baseball game for the first time. Did I do a good job? That depends on what your definition of do is. But it was a fun time either way.

Tonight's Rivercats game was visited by a man who has been called Sacramento's most famous native. Former Giants coach and Dodgers star Dusty Baker made an appearance at this evening's baseball game, coincidentally on "Dusty Baker Night". What are the odds?

After reminiscing on past times with a bunch of old dudes, including the time that he was on deck when Hank Aaron hit the home run that tied his record with Babe Ruth's at 715 , the big guy threw the ceremonial first pitch (which was actually thrown by his son... what a gyp).

Afterwards he was kind enough to do a quick interview with the good folks of the news media. It was really cool to meet somebody that everyone else seems to think is really great.

Official opinion of Dusty Baker: A Fine Man.

Transfer of Power

For those of you who are unaware, a week or two back the country was under the control of the Dick Cheney administration. While the good president underwent a medical procedure, the reins were handed over to everybody's favorite Batman villain:

That's right... for two hours, the Cheney administration ruled over the most powerful country in the world. In case you don't follow world news (AKA you live in a "Red State"), here is a brief summation of the events that occured:

(Video of The Daily Show was removed from YouTube due to Viacom's claims of copywrite infringement. What you missed: Cheney was president for two hours, and your neighbor's eyes started to bleed.)

Now that you're up to speed, we can continue.

Today at work, similar events took place. While our evening assignment editor was on vacation, someone was needed to fill in while his transpirings transpired. Obviously, not just anyone could handle the assignment desk. They needed to find the finest, most intelligent and talented individual available. Otherwise, the newsroom would erupt in chaos.

Enter... me?

Now, I'm not saying that I'm comparable to Cheney. For example, I'm not affiliated with any oil companies or the almighty dark lord of the underworld. However, there were a few things we had in common... Cheney spent his time contemplating the invasion of Iran, while I spent it contemplating the invasion of Ron's side of the desk.

But unlike Cheney, I decided to take advantage of my brief moment of power. The first order of business? Hire someone else to do my work.

Enter... Palmero.

I mean, hey... I'm not about to take the time to do all the things that the job requires! Answer phones? Forget it, I've got assignments to edit! That's why I love these newbies... they'll do anything you ask without questioning your authority. It's nice to feel important.

With Palmero's assistance, the day went off without a hitch. Clearly, they made the right choice in electing me pseudo-assignment editor.

But the best part is that I have finally completed my Axis of Awesomeness. With a crew like this, no one could possibly compete with my kickassness.

This is clearly a testament to the fact that working the assignment desk will slowly erode your sanity.