An Act of Brilliance

Now let me tell you, I'm not one to toot my own horn, but there are times when I surprise even myself.

Every once in a while, and it's not too often, I come up with a wacky scheme that I'm proud of. There's been bears left in offices, water balloons launched from dorm windows, and make-up kits held hostage. This one, in my humble opinion, tops them all.

It was a number of years ago, back in my college days. I was living with a couple of no-good-nicks, better known as Sam and Mike. Oh, we were quite a posse.

We also had a semi-retarded dog named Tobias.

Now that you're brought up to speed with the back story, we'll continue.

One day, I was checking the mail, only to find nothing but a hoard of junk. Not a single letter worthy of my attention. That's what got me thinking... there's a lot of junk mail out there. A lot of companies, organizations and movements looking to send random crap. Perhaps this can be taken advantage of in an act of hilarity.

Logging onto the internet, I scoured for any place that wanted to send me literature, stickers and a variety of other useless drivel that they were pushing in the name of some cause. Support Bush? Sure! Hate Bush? Why not! I signed up for it all. But here's where the smarts come in... each was ordered by a different hilarious and possibly offensive name. Mandar Scrotillicus, Titsy McSecksalot and Montigue the Baby of the North all received newsletters and ads in their mailbox. They all just happened to live at my house. Oh, and the roommates were not informed of this scheme ahead of time, so as the weeks passed, mysterious letters kept arriving in the mail.

We all had a good laugh, but the true brilliance to this evil plan is that, years later, junk mail still arrives in that mailbox addressed to preposterously named residents. And it will continue to for countless years.

I take a lot of pride in knowing that Boobsy Constantine is still getting "Support Marijuana Legalization" stickers in the mail.