The Seinfeld Bus!!

There seems to be something going around. Everyone and their mother has been getting sick lately, although it may be strictly confined to the television news business. That being said, today was no exception... Not one, but two assignment editors took a leave of illness, leaving the coach scrambling to put someone in before the penalty clock ran out. Rather than select somebody qualified, intelligent or half-awake, they settled for this guy...

Oh yeah, everything's under "control".

So the day was spent as any other is on the assignment desk: snacking on whatever food/candy is left in the "free for all" area, entertaining myself with the misery of others via police scanners, and shouting out a snappy one-liner to the newsroom whenever the chance arose. Indeed, I had picked up the trade with ease.

Just one problem... time ticks by slowly when you're confined to the same chair for the duration of the shift. After a few hours, people get sick of your one-liners, the freebie food dries up, and photogs get surly about chasing scanner traffic. Yes, things were slowing down, and there was still a hand full of hours to go before I could punch out.

Then, I noticed something was partaking. I glanced from my 10-inch portal into a "Situation Room" to find that there was a minor hubbub spreading across the stress-laden crew of the newsroom. People started getting up and moving around... something was going on! Was there breaking news? Did the show's server crash again? I'm the assignment editor, I should know!

I grabbed a small newsie as he scuttled by and shook him by his lapels, screaming "You there, what's all the ruckus!" to which he replied, in a hilarious English accent, "Why sir, the Seinfeld Bus is here, it is!"

I threw him aside, stood up, and dashed for the back door, declaring "I'm on my lunch break". Bursting through, I shoved aside a lowly teleprompter operator to behold this glorious sight:

Indeed, the legends my grandfather had told me were true... a bus full of Seinfeld artifacts was touring the country under cover of night. Now, the massive museum-on-wheels was crammed into the back parking lot of our station! Oh, I was thrilled.

It was all here... George's Creepy Mom Doll!

The Bro (Manzier)!

Even the ever-popular Puffy Shirt (a photog favorite)!


I never imagined a bus could hold so much greatness (aside from the Straight Talk Express). Fusilli Jerry, The Pez Dispenser, The Lether Jacket With The Pink Striped Liner... it was all here, confined to one convenient bus!

So let this be a lesson to anyone that tells you dreams can't come true. If they don't believe in miracles, feel free to send them my way, for I shall tell them a tale...

The remainder of the evening was slow and uneventful.