Photocalypse: Sein-Language

True brilliance only comes along every so often in this media saturated society. The film District 9, for example, is a brilliant movie, but it'll likely fail to live up to the success of such class-acts as Transformers and GI Joe. But hey, what can you do.

That being said, I will say that I'll jump on any opportunity to view a true genius in action. When I heard that Jerry Seinfeld was gonna be passing through town, I knew that I couldn't miss it.

Despite a hefty price tag, bordering on the $80 (balcony) line, I was ready and willing to line up to see the master in action. And, boy-howdy, I wasn't disappointed.

Stand-up is undeniably what this man was put on this earth to do. Some are placed here to rule the country, others are here to serve you coffee. This man is here to make you laugh. And he does what he's here to do.

From the second he stepped on stage (more on that second to come), I was laughing heartily. Now, it wasn't until fairly recently that I began venturing into the world of stand-up entertainment. It started with an evening with the always frustrated Lewis Black last year, which was followed up with an appearance by the musically comical Flight of the Conchords. Both were highly entertaining, but none could compare to the undeniable master of stand-up comedy.

You'd think that after all these years, and all those shows, that he'd be plumb out of observational humor to feed to the masses. But no. He came out quick, and he hit us hard, and there's no doubt that he is still the master of comedy.

He started out with a quick shot at Sacramento, pointing out the minuscule amount of park space in downtown, referring to Cesar Chavez park as a "square of nature". Then some people walked in late, and he said "oh, please come in and sit down, the show's just about to start!". A true master.

He made fun of cell phones. Blackberries. Relationships. Children. Computers. Television weather forecasts. This, that and the other. And it was all hilarious. The man is a master at his art, and my hat is off to him. Bravo, sir. Bravo.

Now, here's the one and only problem I had with the show... In all previous experiences with stand-up comedians (there were 2, as previously mentioned), there was a bit of an intermission between the opening act and the main act (the opening act, by the way, was excellent. Some guy named Larry something (not David). Very good), allowing you to go to the bathroom, grab another drink, etc. Since there was a sign declaring that you could bring alcohol into the theater, I decided to grab a few Oak Sodas to accompany me to the show. "Heck," I figured, " I'll have plenty of time during the intermission to clear the ol' tankers."

So... as the opening act finished, I prepared to head to the lil' boy's room, when suddenly... Jerry ran out on stage! Absolutely zero time between acts. Now, normally this would be considered a plus... But damnit, I had to go. But I held out, as I was in the presence of the Great Master, and I wasn't about to miss it (especially considering the ticket price).

An hour or so into the set, it started getting ugly. And, to top it off, we had seats in the middle of the 70 seat isle (it seemed like a good idea when I bought the seats). There have been plenty of times where I've had to hold it, but sweet Jesus, it was getting ugly. I started telling myself, "OK, it sounds like he's starting to wrap it up... This has gotta be the last set..." Then what does he do? He does a bit on how annoying it is when people have to get up and push their way down the aisle! Well damnit, now what am I supposed to do?!

Yeah, it got ugly. To quote a coworker on a former adventure, "Maybe if I start crying, urine will come out in my tears". Yeah, it was that bad.

Finally, it got to the point where I had to declare, "F*ck it. I don't care what this guy has to say." I pushed my way through a 30-person thick aisle, none of whom were all that pleased with me, in order to relieve a pain that no man should have to face.

I wasn't pleased with myself, and I missed a good portion of his set, but hell... they should have had an intermission. That's all I have to say about that.

After Jerry said goodnight, he came back out on stage for a 5 minute Anything Goes Q-and-A, which was awesome, except that no one asked any decent questions. Still, I thought it was cool.

One person asked if he'd be back in TV anytime soon. He gave a solid "No", declaring that he was "Old, rich and tired". Indeed he is, but he still is willing to go out on the road and do what he was put on this earth to do. For that, I commend him. I also nearly wet my pants, and I'm not proud to admit that.