I'm on a Train!

Over the weekend, I found myself with a hankerin' for an adventure and a need for a lift from the Bay Area to Sacramento. For a long time now, I've been hearing about this new method of transport... some sort of "train" that traves from one location to another. Having never ventured onto the Amtrak lines before, I decided it was high time I traveled Biden-style across the glorious region of Northern California!



As I climed aboard amidst conductor calls that could hardly be understood, I made my way up the stairs wondering what would happen if I'd accidently made my way onto the wrong train. Would they toss me out the window, Indiana Jones style? As I started to get nervous, I'd noticed that I had stumbled upon the dining car, which just so happened to offer a varied menu that included beer, wine and spirits. As the train took off from the station, I decided that I was going wherever it was headed, so I might as well grab a drink and enjoy the ride.



As the train headed East from Jack London Square in Oakland, I settled into a window seat, ready to take in all the glorious scenery that this great state has to offer. The ocean, the wildlife, the magnificant skyline... the Bay Area was a world class destination that I was lucky to live so close to, and I was ready to take it in for all its glory. I leaned against the window, ready to absorb the beauty... and... yup... Sure enough, that's a homeless man taking a piss. Glorious.



As we rolled through Oakland, I realized that there was a lot of art and culture existing off the beaten path that I'd been missing all this time. Who needs a fancy gallery when you've got Amtrak?



Being familiar with the journey, at least from the freeway's viewpoint, I was sure that something pretty would have to come about before long. I busted out my book and decided to distract myself until the scenery tidied up a bit, only to discover that the shakey train was making me a little carsick (trainsick... I know, I know...). So I tossed the book aside and took in the train for what it was.

It wasn't long before my distaste for the public took hold and I started to get strated. A wiley child ran up and down the aisle in front of a screaming mother, while the girl sitting in front of me played a phone game with the sound on. Pop! Pop! Whatever the game was, it involved some sort of bubbles, and she seemed to be doing well. But here comes the fun part... she started singing to herself. Not just singing quietly, but singing in a way where you know she thinks she's good, but really has no business shrieking in public like that. It made me a little sad inside, like when the loser American Idol contestants are told that they've failed at life. Poor thing...



Tired of this nonsense, I plugged into my iPod and glanced out the window, hoping to witness the beauty of the bay. Nope... Shanty town.



Well one man can only take so much squalor, so I started looking around for other options of entertainment. What's this? Aparently a train isn't all that different from your typical airline, because they offer a seat pocket stuffed with magazines and instructional pamphlets.



Naturally, I started with the "In Case of Emergency" pamphlet, which featured a brail translation for the visually impaired. I could only imagine how a blind person would feel in an emergency when they came across Step 1: "Look Around"...



As my amusement slowly dispersed, I decided to try the window again, and sure enough, there was something worth looking at!



Look at that... just glorious! The birds, the sailboats, the factories... wait, what's this coming up?



Dang. The beautiful coastline evaporated as quickly as it had appeared. Now we seemed to be in some sort of industrial wasteland, coming so close to these factories that I felt like I was on one of the filler Disneyland rides.



So naturally, it was back to the seat pockets, which revealed a sort of train version of Sky Mall. That resulted in this, which may have made the whole trip worth it:



Yes, a Bigfoot that attaches to your tree. Sick of the neighbor kids playing on your lawn? Well $69.95 will solve that problem! Send them screaming back to their mamas with style!

Eventually the 2 hour trip came to a close. As we approached the familir skyline, I couldn't help but wonder if I had learned something from this increadible journey...



To sum up: People are stupid and annoying, housing near railroad tracks can be scary, beauty is quickly destroyed by industry, and beer is way more expensive than it should be on trains. Also, boats are way cooler.

All together, a very enlightning experience! No wonder Joe Biden loves these things...

Niners Back in the Game

How 'bout them Niners, eh? Remember back when nobody gave a damn about them? Like, for much of my lifetime? Well, things have changed, my friend. San Francisco has a team once again, with a coach that's been more on fire than Bill Clinton's days in in NBA Jam. How 'bout them dumplings? Niners fever has swept across the state in recent weeks, which led me to 49er HQ in Santa Clara on Wednesday. Wanna see something cool? Check this out:


Yeah, that's FIVE Super Bowl trophies, just hanging out in the lobby. I had never seen one Super Bowl trophy before (just a lame ol' World Series trophy), but golly, that is impressive.

Of course, those were all from days past... could they do it again? Big Jim, the angriest looking coach in professional sports, certainly seemed hopeful.


Even when he's happy, he seems pissed. What's the deal?

But it's hard to deny that the man has worked some wonders over the past season, and in his first year as head coach, no less. I've never had any love for the man (ever since I witnessed his Stanford team beat my Ducks a few years ago), but you must give credit where credit is due, and considering that Stanford lost to UC Davis not all that long ago... it seems clear that the man knows how to turn a team around.


Just look at player of the moment Vernon Davis... a disaster a year or two ago, now the king of the day. And QB Alex Smith certainly didn't have much to brag about lately... but my, how quickly things change.


"Winning as a quarterback this time of year speaks for itself. That's how I do my talking." That's how Smith responded to a question about his former critics. Pretty badass, eh? Really, it looks better in print than it sounded in person at the press conference, because it seemed more like he was dodging the question when you hear it played out. But hey, he did say it, so let's quote it up!

In the end, I only got to shoot a few minutes of practice before we were kicked out, but it was still pretty sweet to check out the behind-the-scenes action going on during playoffs. Being from the Bay Area, I get to enjoy the glory of claiming them as one of my hometown teams... and while I've never been much of a hardcore NFL fan (college is really more my cup of gravy), I've been to plenty of games in my younger days and can at least declare that I'm proud they've come this far.

Is the Super Bowl around the corner? I don't know if they have any more room on those shelves in the lobby for another trophy... but we'll see. Niners!

The Great Rose Bowl Adventure: Take Two

For the past three years, I have started each new year with an adventure. Journeys that were meant to demonstrate all that is right and true in the world. Voyages into the unknown that were intended to start the year off on a high note. It's been rough...

2010: Oregon vs. Ohio State in the Rose Bowl. Oregon lost.

2011: Oregon vs. Auburn in the BCS National Championship. Oregon lost.

Now 2012 was upon us, and coach Chip Kelly had led the Ducks to an unprescedented third conference championship in a row (in his third season as head coach). I'd gone this far, but could I really suffer at the hands of another crushing loss... in person?? The time, the effort, the cost... all factors that weighed heavily on my mind. But in the end, I decided I couldn't give up on my boys now, so we booked a flight to Pasadena and took a mulligan on the Rose Bowl!

I gotta say, it felt great to be back, and there was definately a different vibe in the air. We'd done this before. We'd gone beyond this to "The Natty". Now, we're back in familiar teritory and ready to give it another go.

I was also reminded about the drawbacks of playing at the Rose Bowl. Most notably: the stadium. It's a cool, historic place, but it is a bitch to get in and (especially) out of there. And then there's the seats... benches with numbers on them that seem to get closer every year. When everyone is standing, it was often necessary to stand sideways in order to fit. When people sat, there wasn't enough room for everyone and somebody had to remain standing. Ridiculous.

But little mattered aside from the final score. I'd been through the ringer twice before, and honestly this was probably going to be the last bowl trip for me, at least for a while. It is such an exhausting trip, and the pain of losing makes the whole journey seem wasted. I can only take so much pain before I have to consider how nice it would be to sit at home and watch the game without some jerk crowding my seat.

But finally, after years of torment, the Ducks pulled it off. And it was glorious.

So, after 3 years, I can FINALLY declare that I've seen the Ducks win a bowl game in person. FINALLY. And on top of that, I can FINALLY start a year off right! 2012 is shaping up nicely, and has already made 2011 and 2010 look stupid in comparison.

Bring on the new year! Go Ducks!

Occupied in Davis

Just when you thought things were starting to wind down... a trigger happy campus cop goes and sets off a pepper-infused firestorm. Here we go again...

Suddenly the spotlight has been nudged East of Oakland to neighboring community Davis, where... well... this happened.

And while it did give birth to a hilarious internet sensation, it also pissed a lot of people off. A LOT of people. Like... this many:

Thousands gathered in the campus quad to collectively proclaim "Don't taze me, bro" (with pepper spray), and to demand that chancellor Linda Katehi resign. It was quite the scene.

Well, to cut to the chase (literally), my week or two of chasing after Katehi for interviews landed me in the line of sight for several national news outlets. See if anybody looks familiar:

It's nice to finally get a little screen time! Like a much more attractive version of Where's Waldo (if I do say so myself...). This is easily my biggest role since 2005's "Guy Buying Sink Parts" in a Roseburg, OR Ace Hardware commercial. Oh yes, this star is gonna shine!

Key to the City! (Featuring Tesla)

I've always heard about important people receiving a "key to the city"... a key that may or may not be able to open any door within the city limits. I never believed the legends, because no man could possibly be trusted with such power. I mean... they could get into candy stores after hours! Pet any of the animals at the zoo! Release all the prisoners in the jail and force them to perform some sort of Michael Jackson dance routine! If this were true, who could possibly be trusted to wield such power?

I know who you're thinking of, so let's say it at the same time. Ready? One... Two... Three!

TESLA!!

Wait, who did you say? Oh come on, I would trust Tesla over Batman any day of the week!

That's right, Sacramento's hometown heroes received the Key to the City from superstar mayor Kevin Johnson, who even went as far as to declare the day "Tesla Day" in Sacramento!

This is easily the biggest day in Sacramento history since the mayor declared "Wendy Williams Day" back in September! Golly, the 2012 calendar is going to be full of holidays next year!

So congratulations to Tesla, who are celebrating their biggest moment since July's nationally televised interview with famed journalist Alfonzo Beta. Just keep that damn key away from my house (and the numerous treasure chests I keep in my garage)!!

Occupied in Oakland

The day finally came last week when I drew the short straw and was shipped off to cover the war zone known as Occupy Oakland. With my trusty camera and urine-resistant shoes, I was ready for deployment...


The Occupiers are a strange race: a mix between disenfranchised blue-collar workers and militant anarchist hippies. The ability for these two to cohabitate in one area is a fascinating sight... one filled with music, singing and the undeniable stench of marijuana, referred to in the camp as "The Devil's Lettuce".


Wandering through the makeshift city, one will find a variety of explanations for this movement: We need jobs! Banks are responsible for the recession! Death to capitalism! 9/11 was an inside job! Legalize the Devil's Lettuce! For what they lacked in direction, they made up for in gumption. And gigantic signs.


Without any general leader, planning seemed to be achieved through rumors and the occasional flier circulating through the crowd. Today's goal: March on the Port of Oakland and shut that sucker down! The problem with this style of planning is that it isn't very precise, leading many to wander along the 2 1/2 mile port looking for the designated site.


Eventually the entrance was discovered, and thousands converged on the port. To be honest, it was a somewhat frightening sight... that bridge was the only way in or out, and if the teargas started flying, it could get ugly really quick. Suddenly storm coverage doesn't seem worth complaining about anymore.


The best part of the day for me came shortly after this, as 10,000 people marched past my live truck (which says FOX on the side) and hurled F-bombs at me. Few stopped to talk and discover that a FOX affiliate is not the same thing as The Fox News Channel, but those who did shrugged off the answer and laid into me with some more anger and hatred. You know, I'm part of the 99% too, people! I just have a job.


But the port was eventually shut down as protesters swarmed the trucks and shipping crates. A line of cops kept them from entering the port itself, but otherwise they held back from engaging the crowd. It was a largely peaceful demonstration, and as the sun began to set, most of the folks made their way back out into the community.


Later in the night, some anarchists started breaking windows and the teargas began to fly... but fortunately my tour of duty had concluded, so I was on my way home for the victory parade. At the end of the day, they managed to keep a bunch of truck drivers from getting paid (part of the 99%), restaurants and stores in downtown Oakland are being forced to close (part of the 99%), and I cried myself to sleep after being cussed out by an army of my friends and neighbors. Also someone pissed on our live truck and a drunk guy almost pulled his wang out during our live shot.

Stay classy, Oakland.

The Day Foo Came to Town

Lets say that one day I become the drummer of a famous band. Let's also say that the singer of this band will be treated like a god. I gotta say, I might get a little jealous and wonder why I hadn't done things differently. Continuing with this hypothetical, let's say the afore mentioned singer leaves (one way or another) and the band breaks up, essentially granting me a mulligan. When forming a new band, should I continue with my drumming ways that led to my fame and fortune, or should I step out front and join the ranks of the mighty rock gods? Fortunately I have no musical talent, so this isn't a situation I ever imagine myself wrestling with.

On a completely unrelated note, ex-Nirvana drummer Dave Grohl brought his little song-and-dance production known as the Foo Fighters to town on Tuesday, where he was met by a respectably sized crowd at Sacramento's Power Balance Pavilion... and judging from their enthusiasm, Grohl should be considered among the top in his game.

Although I must admit, when compared to every other rock frontman on the scene today, Dave Grohl probably comes across as the biggest dork among them. I don't mean that in a demeaning way, I'm just saying that when he tries to banter with the crowd or chat with his bandmates, I can't help but picture an awkward, dorky guy in high school who is trying to act cool. This was punctuated by the fact that he would tuck his hair behind his ears every time he dropped an F-bomb.

But then he'd start playing one of their songs, and his rock god status seemed much more justifiable. Where'd that dorky guy go?

For over two hours, they tore through their catalog dating back to the mid-90s. There was a good amount of new stuff, which is usually a burden on any concert... but when the new stuff is solid (and is recognizable through regular radio play), there's really no reason to complain.

But make no mistake, Grohl was the one in charge on stage. Aside from some chatting and singing from the drummer, the rest of the band remained in their spots and had minimal interaction with the audience. Dueling guitar solos between Grohl and lead guitarist Chris Shiflett was an entertaining interlude half way through the show, but otherwise this was primarily the Dave Show.

That's not to say the rest of the band didn't sound great, especially when cranking out recognizable hits like "Monkeywrench" and "Pretender". After a 23 song set, including a 5 song encore that concluded with "Everlong", these guys justified their recognition in the world of rock. Really a solid, high energy show that left the audience more than satisfied.

Not bad for a dorky ex-drummer. Now if we could just get Krist Novoselic doing something again...