South Tahoe Inferno

The forest fire in South Lake Tahoe has burned over 250 homes in the last couple of days. Due to its suspected man-made cause, there's gotta be a lot of angry rich Bay Area folk. Earlier today I headed up to the mountains to see if there was anything I could do to help... and by that, I mean that I wandered around and watched others trying to help. Hey, just doing my job.

Fortunately the fire is now 70% contained, so the firefighters were a little more relaxed than they had been over the last couple of days.

We followed them as they continued to search through the woods and make sure that there weren't any "hot spots" remaining that could reignite a fire. We also got sprayed by a renegade fire hose. Hey, it's dangerous being on the front lines.

The firefighters clearly stepped up to the challenge and showed that fire that you can't mess with the United States forests. I'm really pulling for them to get the fire out before tomorrow, because I can't stand to see this senseless devastation continue. Plus I don't want to make the two hour drive out there again in the morning.

The Oakland A's and Related Gripes

Last weekend I met up with some ol' high school pals and we hit up an Oakland A's game. The best part about the Oakland A's? They're never sold out, and tickets are cheaper than beer. Plus you don't have to put up with Barry Bonds strutting around the place. What a jerk.

While driving there, we repeatedly saw a line of planes towing banners overhead. At first we were convinced that they were political ads for Bill Richardson. A strange campaign strategy, I'll admit, but not as strange as some of the strategies I've seen.

We later realized what it was, and I was fairly disappointed.

Freshly back from studying abroad in Cuba, Matt King (known on the street as Big Ugly's Brother) came equipped with a box of Cubans (not the people) and a backpack full of beer. Nothin beats a stoagie and a parking lot beer before a game.

Now I haven't been to a major league game in years, and haven't seen a film in the Major League series in months, so I had forgotten many of the minor intricacies of the game. For example: nothing much happens for most of the three hours. I mean, if you're going to have a team named the "Athletics," can't they at least do something athletic? Take a look at this guy... he's just standing around!

I paid $8 for this goddamn ticket, now do something to entertain me!

Which brings me to my next point- Where these guys in the bathroom when they were handing out team names or something? How the hell did they get stuck with "The Athletics"? Now don't get me wrong, I have no problem supporting my hometown team, and I'm always happy to see them do well, but c'mon. Their mascot is a goddamn elephant... explain that one to me. And, to make matters worse, who's playing in their stadium the other half of the year? The Raiders! The toughest, angriest, violentest team in the country (and I'm referring to the fans more than the players). You see someone with a Raiders bumper sticker, you let them pass on the freeway. Now let's take a moment to picture in our minds a Raiders fan and an Athletics fan standing side by side. One is a 250 pound biker with silver and black face paint, spiked shoulder pads and a necklace made of baby skulls. The other is a 6' 3'' spindly white guy who works for Debbie in accounts payable. What they need to do is give the team a tougher name, perhaps "The Bonecrunchers" or "The Stabwounds". Will this solve the problem? I don't know, but clearly something has to be done.

Now, back to the game.


The typical American baseball game experience is as follows: You enjoy the sunshine with a cold beer. You watch the game, only to realize nothing's happening, so you drink some beer. You get caught up in conversations and occasionally glance at the field to remind yourself that a game is going on, then you get another beer. People stand up and cheer, which is when you look at the field and do the same, then you drink some beer. After 4 or 5 beers (and a cool $50), I had to excuse myself to use the restroom, assuming that I wouldn't miss all that much, since nothing had really happened in the last two hours. Upon my return (with a fresh beer, mind you) I find this:

In the short time that it took me to excuse myself, St. Louis managed to score 10 runs. I mean, is that even possible? Were they just screwing with me? Did I drink myself into some sort of alternate reality? Perhaps, but the score was clear. The A's were getting rocked, possibly because they lacked a menacing mascot.

Fortunately, Bill Richardson flew by one more time to lift the dismal spirits of the crowd.

Nothing quite like an Oakland A's game.

Oh, and one more thing got on my drunken nerves... Do you remember back in the day when stadiums, coliseums and other venues had real names? Well, those days are long gone. Every time I pass through the Bay Area, all the sporting arenas have new names. Not just new names, but new corporate names. Here's a hypothetical conversation to help illustrate my point:
Lamont: Where is the game going to be tonight?
Starla: At McAfee Coliseum.
Lamont: Woman, where the hell is that? Is it near the Oakland Coliseum?
Starla: Bitch, I've never heard of no Oakland Coliseum. It's at McAfee Coliseum.
Obviously, these name changes are causing more trouble than they're solving. Plus how do you pronounce McAfee? It's not MACafee, as you might imagine. It's MCafee, an awkward name that probably isn't even real. Not only are they causing confusion by changing the names, but they give us names that are complicated and embarrassing to try to use. Oh, and it used to be the Network Associates Coliseum. Worse, but not by much.

My personal favorite? The Concord Pavilion, conveniently located in Concord, has been renamed the Sleep Train Pavilion. Are you serious? If that was in a movie, no one would believe it becuase it is so flat out stupid. They could at least name it something like Sleep Train's Concord Pavilion, but no, this is the Sleep Train Pavilion, the pavilion that you go to in order to fall asleep on some sort of train. But don't worry, in a year or two it will change to the Jordan Cologne For Men By Michael Jordan Pavilion.

And the worst part? All the new stadiums that are being built aren't even getting original names so that the people that are "in the know" can call it what it's really known as. Candlestick Park is still referred to by its original name, despite being renamed Monster Park (which is kinda cool, but still). However, the Giant's new stadium was built and named Pac Bell Park. It has since been renamed, but people still refer to it by its original name, which is just as bad as its current sponsor name. At least they are still naming college sports venues after rich alumni rather than Sleep Train.

I didn't realize that going to a baseball game would be so frustrating.

Rocky Road Update

I am pleased to announce that my short documentary on The Rocky Road Underground has entered phase two of production. To give you a glance into the musical brilliance that is The RRU, here's a look at their three multi-platnum albums:

Be sure to check out their MySpace Page to hear some of their international superhits.

National Coverage

Lately a lot of people have been asking me when I'm going to step up and become the star that I'm meant to be, moving in front of the camera rather than behind it. Well last week I decided that it was time to take that step forward. On Tuesday, Nightline took it upon themselves to display my role in the coverage of Michael Moore's visit to the California State Capitol:

Immediately the phone lines lit up and I had become a star. Former colleague Borracho was kind enough to snap this photo of my grand performance.

However, many people fail to realize that this is not my first appearance on national television. Back in 1999, when I was a much younger man than I am today, I played a similar role in the filming of Metallica's concert with the San Francisco Symphony, which was shown on MTV. I starred as "Some Jackass in Row 5":

Thus I have revived the role that originally led to my fame, playing "That Guy Over There." Where will I pop up next? Keep your eyes open next time you're watching television, because it could be anywhere!

Mr. Moore Goes to Sacramento

Watch out folks, he's at it again! That wily Communist-wannabe Michael Moore is back in the spotlight and spewing his propaganda-laden message to the masses. What anti-America crockpot of falsities has he come up with this time around? Guaranteed health care for all! He believes that everyone should have access to health care in this country, just like most other civilized nations, rather than a corrupt system based on financial gain.

Well, Mr. Moore, last time I checked, this isn't Russia we're living in. This isn't even Mexico. This is the U S of goddamn A, a country based on spending money on things that are absolutely unnecessary. If people believe that everyone should have equal access to health care, then they should go to Canada, or England, or pretty much any other developed country, because you won't find it here, and that's the way we roll.

Despite a rally outside of the capitol building today declaring this viewpoint (consisting of myself and a picket sign), Moore showed up and explained his wacky theories to a crowded room of media folk.

One of the finer moments of this press conference came when Moore declared that Governor Schwarzenegger should be behind him because he came to this country with an amazing body that was the result of Austria's universal health care system. What, now we're supposed to be like Austria? Better start shipping in the kangaroos and dingos, mate!

Following this event, Moore moved on to the state assembly room where he made his case to several politicians in front of a crowd that consisted of hundreds of registered nurses. Not quite a fair and balanced audience.


Along with the thunderous applause that occured after several of his major points, many of these left-wing wacko politicians praised him for his efforts. Where's O'Reilly's No Spin Zone when you need it?

In all fairness, I've been a fan of Moore's work for years. I've read all his books, seen all his movies and, for the most part, agree with the points that he has to make. However, I feel that he sometimes goes a little over the top as he makes his points, which can often times result in hilarity, but usually gives people an excuse to shoot him down and try to discredit his points. He checks and rechecks his facts because he knows the hellstorm that a film like Fahrenheit 9/11 will create, and while they are accurate, his forceful political agenda gives those he's attacking ammunition to fire back with. His new film SiCKO seems to be a departure from his "Stupid White Men" days, but I'm hoping he picks up the political commentary reins once again before the 2008 elections kick into full gear, as it will be ripe for ridicule.

I last saw Moore in 2004 when he went on a speaking tour to denounce the Bush presidential campaign, as well as promote student voting and his film Fahrenheit 9/11. He passed through Eugene and I ditched my documentary production class to go see him speak.

(He's the disheveled blur with the yellow hat)

He declared that if Bush were to be re-elected, it would be four of the worst years in the country's history. Judging from recent headlines, he wasn't that far off. Let's just hope that SiCKO can change enough minds to make a difference in the country, especially since Fahrenheit 9/11 obviously fell a few minds short. What could have possibly been wrong with those unchanged minds? (...cue banjo music.)

Straight Talkin' with M.C. Cain

Early this morning, Arizona senator and presidential hopeful John McCain made his way to the city of Modesto, home to such fine Americans as Scott and Laci Peterson, Gary Condit, and of course everybody's favorite, the Party Mom. Welcome, Mr. Senator!

After a $500-per-plate breakfast (and I thought Starbucks was a ripoff), Senator McCain joined the media for some of his patented "Straight Talk." With a confident smile, he answered some tough questions from local journalists: Give the troop surge a chance! Education is good! Close Guantanamo! Aside from his PR guy telling us not to take pictures of him at the breakfast (which was a little odd), it was a successful trip to the Central Valley for all. He seems like a good guy worthy of respect, unlike a few other politicians in his party that come to mind. Good luck, Mr. Senator!

Oh, and it should be noted that Senator McCain is a close MySpace friend of The Rocky Road Underground:

Thanks for the support, Mr. Senator!

VIP @ BFD

On Saturday, I made my way down to Mountain View in the South Bay Area for BFD 07, Live 105's annual all-day music festival. Not only did I get in for free, but I got hooked up bigtime: 7th row seats, along with VIP and backstage passes, all thanks to a friend of a friend who works in promotions at Scion.

In addition to the obvious benefits that these items will get you, they included free booze, food and parking. Aside from gas money, I didn't spend a dime all day. It's nice to pretend to be important.

The day was filled with beautiful sunshine, cold beer and awesome music. Here are a few of the highlights from the day:

Social Distortion

These guys were one of the headlining bands, and they were pretty awesome. I hung out back stage for their performance, which was quite an experience. There's a whole lot of people out there staring at the stage... definately more pressure than one would have looking into a camera.

Here's a clip from their big finale, Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire":

Queens of the Stone Age

Out of all the bands in the lineup, this is the one that I was excited to see. I didn't know too many of their songs, but several people had told me that they're an awesome live act. And they are. Definately a band I'd check out again.

Here's a clip of them playing their classic "No One Knows":

Interpol

These guys were pretty decent. I hadn't heard of them before, but they were on the first time that I slipped back stage, so it was pretty cool to watch. I felt like a true roadie, just without the long hair, bad smell and life in shambles.

Kaiser Chiefs

These guys were the big surprise of the day for me. I had never heard of them before, but they put on an awesome performance and sounded great. I'll definately download their songs illegally to show my support.

Scissors for Lefty

These guys kinda sucked. I just felt like I was watching a bunch of losers that I knew in college, which is probably who listens to them.

Sum 41

These guys were the biggest losers of the day. I mean, c'mon... they're just a crummy rip-off of Blink-182, who sucks to begin with, so how could they possibly be any good? They're not, despite what hoards of 13 year old girls might claim. This was as close as I'd allow myself to get before retreating to the beer garden.

So there you have it... a successful day of mooching off of others while good, hard working people paid $4.50 for a water bottle and $12.00 for a Corona. I could get used to this acting important thing... I guess I just need to figure out how to become important.

Oh, and the craziest part of the day? I realized when I got home that 9 years ago, I sat two seats down from my seat when I saw Metallica there. What are the chances of that? Outta control.