Gambling with the Stars

Nothing brings out the stars like a red carpet. They're drawn to it like a moth to a flame, or rock guitarists to heroin. It's been a long while since I've had some adventures along the red carpet, but tonight's "grand opening" (even though it opened a month or two ago) of a local Indian casino offered another helping of "hey you, over here!" with some big names.

The first limo pulled up and... oh boy, oh boy... which A-lister will it be?? It's.... Ponch!

That's right, CHiPs super-hunk Erik Estrada emerged to the crowd's delight, kissing a few lucky ladies as he made his way along the red carpet. Talk about a guy who knows how to milk a one-time gig! I need to score me a series that I can ride out for 30 years like this guy. Man, he's livin' the dream.

Next up... Oh, who could it be? I think I know but I don't want to say because I don't want to get my hopes up... Oh, it is! Linda Blair!

She was barely recognizable, with a lack of head spinning and pea soup spitting, but I will point out that joining her on the red carpet was a Playboy Playmate. Yes, those women she is standing with are gigantic, it's not a trick of perspective.

Wait, another limo! Who could it possibly be? Oh, no way! It's... that guy!

You know, he hosts Family Feud! No, that's Al from Home Improvement, he's... no, that's Louie Anderson. He's the one that... no, I think he hung himself in a closet. I think he was also on Seinfeld... Yeah, there you go, J. Peterman! It's J. Peterman! Oh man, what a night!

These B (C?) list celebrities gathered together at this local house of gaming for a celebrity blackjack tournament! Sweet.

Erik Estrada and Bubba Paris? Oh hell yeah, I smell a new CHiPs spin-off! I've already started the screenplay, so you can forget about stealing my thunder.

John O'Hurley's luck didn't seem to be as fruitful as that of Erik and Bubba. He reached for that wine glass more than once.

The only thing that was missing from the night was a big red "X", a la Family Feud, across his face every time the dealer beat him.

Kevin Bacon was also in the crowd, preforming with his brother in their band, "The Bacon Brothers". Apparently he's got a lot of rules whenever he makes an appearance, as he dodged the red carpet and denied letting our cameras roll on his performance. If you're curious, his music was basically a techno beat with him reciting his Animal House line, "Thank you sir, may I have another?" over and over again.