Nascar, or How I Learned to be a Golden God

Celebrities are an interesting species, as you never know what you're gonna get when you run into one. Ron Jeremy, despite being creepy and having a notably unsettling musk, is actually a very friendly guy...

My boy Alfonzo has had a few run-ins with the fame claimers, and is an expert in judging whether or not an A-lister is on-the-level enough to meet a mustached beta tape.

But in my (and Alfonzo's) travels, I have to say that the most pretentious, P-O-S golden god wannabes are, without question, Nascar drivers. Now granted, my access to and understanding of Nascar is mostly based on a single visit to Infineon Raceway to cover a race's time trials, but sweet Baby Jesus, these guys take themselves seriously. I had a brief run-in with Jeff Gordon, who didn't even acknowlege the screaming fans or media trying to grab his attention, as if he was some sort of Roman emperor or something. Although, in all fairness, he is treated like one.

So here's where I'm going with this- Last week, our main sports anchor- the sports guy in the Sacramento area (market #20, with plenty of small town Nascar enthusiasts) setup a satelite interview with one of these dieties. Here's how it went...

What's more, Jim has been recieving correspondence from around the world, both positive and extremely negative... including this gem, which manages to both enforce and re-enforce all my biases against Nascar and its fans-

Note that the genius misspells "knows" in the title.

Wish I was a golden god. Or at least able to drive a car in circles for money.