Daryl and the Beta

Green technology... everyone knows it's the hot new thing! At least, attractive actresses seem to, as I've been finding them popping up here and there as green tech representatives at press conferences. First it was that chick from Road Trip (you know the one I'm talkin' about...) Amy Smart, who passed through town last summer representing some sort of green building company or something. Following close in her footsteps... that mermaid chick that played a mermaid chick in the movie about a mermaid chick. Yeah, that one!

Daryl Hannah was in town to show off a new ethanol pump at a Valero station. And she arrived in style, riding in the car from Kill Bill (no, not that one...), which was fully equipped to run on ethanol.

The day's high moment came when some ghetto dudes rolled up, one yelling to the other, "Yo, it's Daryl Hannah, foo!" Honestly, if I rolled up to a gas station, I probably wouldn't have been able to place where I knew her from. Props to that guy.

A close second... Daryl hit it off with a member of our news team. Man, this guy gets around!

If I could hear some random ghetto dude roll up and holler "Yo, it's Alfonzo Beta, foo!", I think I could declare my life's work complete. It's the dream that keeps this foo going, day after day.

Adventures in Mormonland

Perhaps spurred by a recent Mormon encounter, I decided to journey into the depths of Mormonland with a trip to Snowbird, Utah. Ah yes, you can really smell the lack of alcohol on the air!

My brothers and I tagged along with Pops to an annual conference he had going on out there (last year's provided an adventure to Colorado). I had never been to Utah, and to be quite honest, I never really thought there was much to it. Granted, the Olympics were there not that long ago, but still... it never really struck me as a vacation destination. In all fairness, I had the state underestimated. They've got some pretty killer mountains.... and I don't use the term loosely, our hotel was in an avalanche-prone area. Other guests mentioned a time that the hotel went into lockdown during an avalanche. Wild stuff, Utah. Wild.

One notable standout about Snowbird was that it had a pretty sweet tunnel of mystery near the top.

What could possibly be in it? One could only dream. Or one could go in it and find out.

Yeah, it didn't really live up to my expectations, but I suppose they were set pretty high by other tunnels I'd heard so much about.

In addition to the tunnel, another notable highlight was a surprising celebrity encounter. You see that guy at the front of the line... the one in the blue jacket? Could it actually be... Steven Spielberg?!

Upon closer inspection, we found that... sure enough, it was!!

It was awesome to see him out on the slopes, especially considering the fact that it was the morning after the Academy Awards... the one time no one would expect to see him in Utah! Also, I think I heard someone call him Mike. Very clever, Mr. Spielberg. As I slid past him, I said "Thank you for Hook" and gave him a confident nod. He seemed confused... perhaps because he didn't see the film as his finest work. Always the perfectionist.

The hardest part of any vacation is coming back to reality. Don't leave me, Good Times, we've become such close friends!

Of course, no adventure is complete without the obligatory photo of my closest traveling companion. Man, that guy's well traveled.

OK, Utah. Despite some obvious flaws, I'm gonna file you away in the Pretty Darn Cool folder. But seriously, can you get some beer that's got more than 3.5% alcohol? I'm trying to enjoy myself, damnit!

Mitt Comes to Town

You know that guy that wanted to become president, and looked kinda like a president, but didn't become president, mostly because he was just full of hot air? Yeah, that guy was in town yesterday.

Mitt was hangin' around the local Borders to sign his new classic, "No Apologies". He was met with a hoard of fans... or supporters... or whatever. Which is to say that there was a lot of old white people weaving through the isles of book shelves that day.

Nice enough guy, I suppose. He stopped by for a brief Q&A with the media before meeting the crowd with a brief statement (more like stand-up) and taking a few questions from the crowd (which mostly consisted of people stating what a great American he is).

I had a little chit-chat with his media fellow. He decided to decline any sort of photo op with a certain local celebrity. That makes for negative points in my book. I can't imagine why he wouldn't want to be paired with the likes of Adam Lambert, Chuck Liddell and Amy Smart. Come on, Mitt... McCain probably would have done it!

Yeah... I Saw Bon Jovi

Did you know Jon Bon Jovi is still alive? Yeah, that's what I said!

Not only is he alive, but the king of hair bands managed to sell out Arco Arena. I know, right?!

Although I will admit that I helped that happen... Yeah, I was there. And, for the most part, I enjoyed myself. I was completely unaware that they had written anything beyond 1986's Slippery When Wet (which, by the way, inspired the title of 2001's classic high school student-filmed crime drama). I was very much made aware of that fact during this show though. Very much made aware.

They certainly played some of the classics, and during those moments, the show was awesome. They hit You Gave Love a Bad Name on the second or third song, and that was money. Good stuff. But it was a long while before we got any more of the good stuff.

I recognized some songs here and there... Bad Medicine was a notable high moment... but then Richie Sambora came out to play one of his solo songs. Not cool. Then they played half an hour of acoustic stuff out on a bridge in the middle of the crowd. Fantastic if you had the $250 for a floor ticket. If not, it was pretty lame, mostly because nobody knew what any of the songs were.

It wasn't until the encore that they finally played Dead or Alive (that crabbing show theme song) and Livin' on a Prayer. Which, in all fairness, were pretty awesome. But damnit, you know that these people are only here to hear you play the classics, so knock it off with all the new crap. They didn't even play that Young Guns song. Come on, Jon. Come on.

A good show... and props to them for being one of the few hair bands that survived into the modern age and can still sell out an arena... but people are only here to get the classics live. Play the good stuff, damnit. Come on.

Fightin' the Man

Ah, to be in college again. The friends, the parties... It's a special time in a young person's life. And what's a good college experience without some interaction with cops in riot gear? It was a tradition set forth by our forefathers in the 60's, and every college student's right of passage! That tradition remains strong today... or at least it did yesterday, at college campuses around the great (and bankrupt) state of California!

Protesting a 30% fee hike to state schools, college students put down their daily meals of raman and Pabst and hit the streets to display their outrage at this outrage. I, too, put down my raman and Pabst to jump into action, as UC Davis students marched towards a police line in an attempt to close down I-80.

The police weren't about to let them march onto a freeway during rush hour... which seemed shocking to many students. So the cops stood their line, pushing came to shoving, and the pepper balls and batons started flying. Take that, ya hippies!

Students claimed the violence was unprovoked. One was noted as saying they could have "diverted traffic to another route around the students" rather than keep them from climbing onto the freeway. Ah, to be in college again!

As the fun and games were commencing, a local newspaper fellow and I started to cough uncontrollably as we stood a good 50 yards back from the police line.

"Hoo-wee", I proclaimed. "What was that about?"
"Looks like the pepper balls are flying," he said, between coughing fits.

Wow, nothing brings back memories like the smell of pepper spray and tear gas! Last time I smelled that, I was a freshman in Eugene... the ol' Ferry Street Riot of '02! Basically, an entire apartment complex threw a party, which spilled out into the parking garage, which spilled out into the streets, which the local police didn't take to kindly to. They set up a line of cops in riot gear a few blocks down... which just provoked the drunken mob to throw bottles and start fires in the streets. The tear gas and rubber bullets flew, and the drunkards dispersed. I may or may not have wandered through the scene. I believe it was the same year they decided to stop having football games at night unless they were nationally televised in order to cut back on the drunken numbskullery that was becoming synonymous with the university (as if Animal House didn't already scar it for life).

Of course, none of this compares to the protests and riots going on at colleges in the 70's. What, you don't remember those days? Well, you need to educate yourself by watching my Emmy winning (2005 Student Award, bitch!) short documentary on the topic. Until the national guard gets involved, you kids ain't got nothin'.

Dirty Dino

I've become a regular at the local Target store, as I am adamently opposed to shopping at Wal-Mart... no matter how many smiley faces they put on their logos. But heck, in this economy, who can afford to go to white collar stores like Safeway and Rite-Aid? Not anybody in this business, I tell you.

So I'm wandering the aisles, soaking in the savings, when I hear a familiar song playing from around the corner. One that discusses the finer points of apple bottom jeans, boots with fir and someone that goes by the name of Shawty. At first I paid no attention, until an older woman and a toddler caught my eye at the end of the aisle. That music couldn't be coming from them, could it? No way, that's no music for a child!

Indeed it was originating from the duo, who were very much amused by the following. Appropriate for children? You be the judge.

Don't parents worry about giving their kids stuff like these days? When I was a kid, I couldn't even watch Beavis and Butt-Head.

Since I'm not a parent, I bought four of those dirty dinos and threw a most bizarre dance party in my apartment. Don't judge how I live.

Olympic Gold

There's nothing that can bring the world together quite like the Olympic Games, where countries square off to prove who's the goddamn best. And who's the best at claiming to be the best? USA! USA!

Just before the games, Photocalypse cameras caught up with local snowboarder Elena Hight, a member of the Team USA (yeah, THAT Team USA) halfpipe crew.

In the end, the talented shredder failed to score a medal. Unfortunate... but gold medals can be bought and sold on the internet with ease these days. Now a gold beta tape... there's something to be proud of.

We'll try to get a ribbon made up so she can wear it around her neck with pride. Perhaps he can tag along as a good luck charm for 2014! USA! USA!