Dancing With the Kings

No professional sports team is complete without a troupe of hot chicks prancing about the sidelines, making all the fat shlobs in the audience dream of the day that they can swap their goodly wife for one of them dancin' ladies. But you can't hire just any run-of-the-mill dancin' ladies. No, there is a process. And it is mighty. And it is awesome.

After an impressive group warm-up, the dancers were trotted out, a handful at a time, and asked to follow a routine down the court and back.

Like any good competition in this reality show-infused society, they were then lined up and told who is staying for the next round and who is going home crying.

I offered a consolatory shoulder to cry on for those who needed it. No one took me up on the offer. But on a separate note, a local hero decided to chase his dream and give it a shot.

They told him he clearly had no professional training. He was also a little chunky, not a hot chick and, well, not real. All valid points, but that won't stop him from chasing his dream! He'll be back next year to give it another go, and... well, will probably get the same feedback, but you gotta admire the guy for trying!

Whole Lotta Danglin'

In this line of business, you're forced to face down a lot of tough situations... fires, floods, hedgehogs... During my short time in The Biz, I thought that I'd seen it all and could handle any situation thrown my direction. Well, last weekend's assignment tested my nerves like no other, and I barely made it out with my sanity intact. It was more than any news photog should ever have to handle on the job, and since that day I have thanked the good lord for rescuing me from such a vile and dangerous situation.

Yes, I was assigned to cover an attempt at the Guiness World Record for largest skinny dip. 500+ naked folks crammed into a single pool, in conjunction with various other mass skinny dippings around the country. That's a whole lotta flesh (and a whole lotta blurry video).

Now, I certainly consider myself to be an open-minded individual, and I didn't think that something like this would be all that hard to handle... but as I came to find out, nudist colonies don't tend to attract the supermodel crowd as much as you might have thought, which makes for a whole lot of danglin' that I really didn't need to see on my Saturday morning.

I've certainly had my old man wanger quota filled for the year (which, by the way, was set at zero). At least now I can say that I've been through hell and back, and any other assignment should seem like a walk in the park... as long as it's not a nudist park.

Oh, and a quick side story- As I was shooting the story for the evening news, I slipped out my cell phone and grabbed a quick snap-shot for the ol' blog-o-sphere, and one of the promoters came over and got pissed at me. "Did you just take a cell phone picture?? You know, people notice stuff like that, and we don't need pictures like that showing up on the internet." This was told to me while I was holding a 25 pound camera on my shoulder, capturing video of these wiley folks to send throughout the country. But a blury cell phone picture? Forget about it. He insisted on watching as I deleted it. The story ran at 10 PM in market #20, and the video went out around the country to be used as prime kicker material. The photos used were taken from the video, so don't get your panties in a bunch. Oh wait, you're not wearing any...

It's Gettin Hot in Here

Hooh, it's hot out. And I don't mean "pleasant summer day" hot. No, it's hot. And what better way to spend a day in 100+ degree weather than at a forest fire! Although I must say that last year's fire season began much earlier, so I guess I've got no reason to complain.

So the first major forest fire of the season... We'd better send one of our veteran reporters who knows how to cover all the ins and outs of the story and get the inside scoop or whatever. But who could step up to the challenge?

Hey, how about that tape with a mustache! Yes, Alfonzo was on the front lines of this raging fire near Auburn, ready to jump into action and start asking the tough questions, such as "How did this fire start?" and whatever else you ask at a forest fire.

Hey, a little 400 acre wildfire is a walk in the park for this veteran beta. Heck, he stared down Chuck Liddell and lived to tell the tale.

Now if only he could get that smell of smoke out of his mustache.

Sure, Anderson Cooper might be on the front lines of Iraq or following the president to Africa, but he's got a little competition slowly gaining momentum. Before he knows it, there just might be a prime time hit called "Alfonzo Beta 360". And it will be awesome.

The Idol Reunion

Gosh, it seems like it's only been a month or two since me and the Idol gang were together. My, how time flies. But fortunately an unexpected reunion was on the horizon, and before I knew it I was right back with my ol' sing-songy pals. For you see, the top ten winners on the show are contractually obliged to a 50-date tour. And, would you believe it, stop number 4 was right here in ol' Sactown.

5 of the 10 performers were trucked out and presented to the local media for a little facetime. Again, I am no expert in American Idol, aside from a brief adventure or two, so I brought along my sidekick from the LA adventure, Idol expert and close personal friend to Adam Lambert, Alfonzo Beta.

Unfortunately, Adam never dropped in to visit with his ol' yellow pal, although we did get to chat with Idol winner Kris Allen (above), along with Danny Gokey, Lil Rounds and a few others. Autographs, photos and even singing were strictly forbidden by their management, but we did get a few minutes with each. Nice folks.

We also got to duck in to shoot the last couple of songs, a pair of Kris Allen dittys (well... covers), and a grand finale of Journey's Don't Stop Believing. Not bad, from what I saw. Still not a fan, but not bad.

Great to see you guys again. Perhaps we'll cross paths on next year's Idol adventure. Oh, Alfonzo will be there too.

Trials, Trails and Tallboys: The Movie

As many of you probably remember, last summer featured an adventure to the Northwest, which included an appearance at the Olympic Trials, partying in Portland, hiking, partying in Eugene, and probably some other stuff that has since been forgotten. It was an epic adventure for the ages, and featured the filming of the fourth installment in my always exciting travel video series.

And then it was forgotten about for... well... exactly a year. I shot a lot of random stuff, and when I got back, I didn't really want to take the time to sort through all of it. So I figured I'd get around to it eventually, and every once in a while I'd think, "Hey, I should get around to that." I actually started it at one point, with this grand plan of having the There Will Be Blood opening credits song playing and calling it There Will Be Booze. So I downloaded the song from iTunes, only to find that I couldn't load that format into Adobe Premiere. So I tried burning it to a CD so I could reload it in an MP3 format, and my CD burner decided it didn't want to work any more (that still hasn't been fixed). So I got frustrated, and a year passed. Then I came across Guapo's recent travel video, which got me thinking... hey, I should really get around to that.

So I scrapped all the original ideas and started fresh. I grabbed some beers, slapped it together, and found that somehow YouTube now cuts out the sound of anything using copywrited material... and it somehow figures that out in the minute long processing time. Damnit. So I had to turn to Flickr, which cut off the vid at 1:30. So finally I had to dust off an old MySpace account just to get it posted. This seemed a lot easier the last time I did it.

So, you've waited long enough... here's the final presentation of Adventure #4: Trials, Trails and Tallboys!

Be sure to check out parts one, two and three if you haven't recently. I know... 3 of the 4 adventures have been to Eugene, but I'll try to shake things up a bit with the future installments. I shot a bunch at May's Idol Adventure, and I've got a lil trek to Cancun coming up in a few weeks, so we'll see if we can't shake things up a bit (not that there won't be future Eugene adventures!).

The 4th and the King

Everyone loves the 4th of July. BBQs, booze and blowing stuff up while soaking in the gorgeous summer weather... you just can't beat it.

This was the first 4th in a while where I haven't had to work a night shift and do a live shot featuring fireworks. It turned into a fine adventure, the details of which must remain classified... but it did feature a drunk guy's rendition of Michael Jackson's Bad early in the evening...

As you can see in this cell phone vid, complements of my POS Razr with a cracked lens, many are still mourning the passing of the King of Pop. Can't say I was ever really a fan... but I certainly have enjoyed the non-stop barrage of documentaries and music videos that have been saturating my television. It'll be a long time before we see someone as fascinating as that again (for better or worse).

Happy 4th, everybody! Drink some beer, blow up a GI Joe and revel in the passing of a true American icon.

IOU One Government

Gather around children, for I shall tell you a tale. A tale of a great state teetering on the brink of disaster. Heroes rose to create a state budget that could work for all and save the state of California, only to have partisan politics get in the way and doom the state forever. It was a tragic tale that... wait, you've heard this one before? Now that you mention it, this does sound familiar. Well... here we go aagggaaaiiinnn!!!

Last night at midnight was the deadline to pass the state budget or doom California to writing IOU's (which may or may not be honored by banks... that's yet to be seen). Once again we were faced with a doomsday scenario as the clock ticked closer to midnight. And once again, the politicians were unable to do their damn jobs.

After an onslaught of bickering, snide remarks and overly dramatic speeches, we found ourselves right back where we were not too long ago- going to hell in a hand basket (or some sort of wicker carrier). Ah, politics in action (or rather, inaction).

This is why I have chosen this time to announce my candidacy for governor of the great state of California in 2010! I'll be running on the "Shit, We Can't Possibly Do Any Worse" ticket, and I ask for your vote!

I am currently assembling my staff and potential cabinet. Only hotties need apply.

Vote Duff in 2010!